Weighting Advice
- Saturday, September 01 2012 @ 05:13 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,120
We’ve probably all had some version of this happen to us at some point: a well-meaning friend decides to “help” by pointing out someone they think would be a good match. Perhaps they’re in an established, long-term relationship, so clearly they’ve managed to “get it right” before, and feel they know how to “spot the good ones.” The question is, do they really? And how much weight should you give the “expertise” of others when it comes to finding someone for yourself?
Well, much like any advice, it varies depending on the source and motivation. This doesn’t mean your friend or family member has anything less than the best intentions; they probably genuinely think they’re helping. But more often than not, when I’ve seen a specific person targeted (“That person looks nice. Why don’t you go over and start a conversation?”), the person is typically more my friend’s taste than mine! We all have “types” we’re instantly drawn to, and they aren’t always the same from person to person.
On the other hand, an outside opinion can help you get outside your own box, especially if you feel you’ve been “dating the same person” for awhile and don’t know how to break the cycle. Someone else might see a quality shining through that you don’t. Remember, it’s the first date that’s really the make-or-break moment when it comes to chemistry and compatibility, and until then it’s more or less an educated guess. There’s no harm in just talking to someone or sending an email.
Perhaps the way to get the “best of both worlds” is to share several profiles you’ve been considering. You’ve already narrowed the field down to only people in which you’re interested, but you get the advantage of a second pair of eyes when it comes to red flags or first-contact email topics.
It can be easy to get down on yourself when you’re single, and easy to think that everyone else knows some secret to love. They really don’t; if anything, they’ve just managed to find a good match for themselves (the person, incidentally, they know best). Ask yourself: would you like to have the literal relationship with the literal significant other of someone else? Likely not, and maybe you’re even weirded out by the idea - which just goes to show that every relationship is a unique combination of two distinct personalities.
The “trick” is to find the personality that best fits with yours - and while a friend or family member might point you in an unexpected (and helpful!) direction, ultimately it will be up to you to determine if the chemistry is there.
Well, much like any advice, it varies depending on the source and motivation. This doesn’t mean your friend or family member has anything less than the best intentions; they probably genuinely think they’re helping. But more often than not, when I’ve seen a specific person targeted (“That person looks nice. Why don’t you go over and start a conversation?”), the person is typically more my friend’s taste than mine! We all have “types” we’re instantly drawn to, and they aren’t always the same from person to person.
On the other hand, an outside opinion can help you get outside your own box, especially if you feel you’ve been “dating the same person” for awhile and don’t know how to break the cycle. Someone else might see a quality shining through that you don’t. Remember, it’s the first date that’s really the make-or-break moment when it comes to chemistry and compatibility, and until then it’s more or less an educated guess. There’s no harm in just talking to someone or sending an email.
Perhaps the way to get the “best of both worlds” is to share several profiles you’ve been considering. You’ve already narrowed the field down to only people in which you’re interested, but you get the advantage of a second pair of eyes when it comes to red flags or first-contact email topics.
It can be easy to get down on yourself when you’re single, and easy to think that everyone else knows some secret to love. They really don’t; if anything, they’ve just managed to find a good match for themselves (the person, incidentally, they know best). Ask yourself: would you like to have the literal relationship with the literal significant other of someone else? Likely not, and maybe you’re even weirded out by the idea - which just goes to show that every relationship is a unique combination of two distinct personalities.
The “trick” is to find the personality that best fits with yours - and while a friend or family member might point you in an unexpected (and helpful!) direction, ultimately it will be up to you to determine if the chemistry is there.
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