Wanting to Meet New People: It's Allowed
- Tuesday, May 25 2010 @ 07:33 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,037
There's an old saying that people love to debate: there's no such thing as a truly selfless act. If you feel good doing something for someone else, you are therefore being nice in order to get that positive feeling. Thus, is it possible to be truly selfless?
I'm beginning to think there's a similar conundrum in the world of dating. You see, we're often told that love is found when you're least expecting it. Well, let's say you don't see anyone remotely compatible at work, and you're something of a social hermit. If no effort is made, you're pretty much reduced to hoping you run into prospective people at the grocery store or post office – and while that does happen, it's not a certainty (maybe you live in an elderly neighborhood to boot).
The logical conclusion, to me, would be to switch up your routine, and make an effort to get out and do something you enjoy. Try to make it social – reading is typically a solo activity, but there are book clubs. You're raising your chances of meeting anyone – whether for friendship or romance – and you're doing something you enjoy as well. It's a win-win situation.
I suggested a social overhaul to a friend of mine recently. He wasn't convinced. “But if I join something,” he said, “I'll know that I'm doing it because I want to meet someone.”
“That's why you choose something you enjoy,” I said. “If you don't meet anyone, you're still having fun. And maybe you'll make a new friend, and maybe they'll know someone who would be a good match, and so on.”
“But then I'll have that scenario in my mind too,” he argued. “In the back of my mind I'll know I'm looking for someone.”
At this point my brain began to hurt.
I'll put it simply: if you're only ever at work and home, your social life is in need of improvement, both romantic and otherwise. You can't expect a Mr. or Mrs. Right to come knocking on your door. Online dating is an option, but it's hard to feel a connection with someone without any outside interests or hobbies. Maybe originally you'll have a romantic “ulterior motive” if you make yourself get out more; it doesn't matter. If you're meeting people, and having a good time, your social life will be improved, and that in itself is a victory.
I'm beginning to think there's a similar conundrum in the world of dating. You see, we're often told that love is found when you're least expecting it. Well, let's say you don't see anyone remotely compatible at work, and you're something of a social hermit. If no effort is made, you're pretty much reduced to hoping you run into prospective people at the grocery store or post office – and while that does happen, it's not a certainty (maybe you live in an elderly neighborhood to boot).
The logical conclusion, to me, would be to switch up your routine, and make an effort to get out and do something you enjoy. Try to make it social – reading is typically a solo activity, but there are book clubs. You're raising your chances of meeting anyone – whether for friendship or romance – and you're doing something you enjoy as well. It's a win-win situation.
I suggested a social overhaul to a friend of mine recently. He wasn't convinced. “But if I join something,” he said, “I'll know that I'm doing it because I want to meet someone.”
“That's why you choose something you enjoy,” I said. “If you don't meet anyone, you're still having fun. And maybe you'll make a new friend, and maybe they'll know someone who would be a good match, and so on.”
“But then I'll have that scenario in my mind too,” he argued. “In the back of my mind I'll know I'm looking for someone.”
At this point my brain began to hurt.
I'll put it simply: if you're only ever at work and home, your social life is in need of improvement, both romantic and otherwise. You can't expect a Mr. or Mrs. Right to come knocking on your door. Online dating is an option, but it's hard to feel a connection with someone without any outside interests or hobbies. Maybe originally you'll have a romantic “ulterior motive” if you make yourself get out more; it doesn't matter. If you're meeting people, and having a good time, your social life will be improved, and that in itself is a victory.
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