There Are No Frogs
- Sunday, November 25 2012 @ 09:42 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,250
Spend any time near an “inspirational” message, especially on the Internet, and you’ve probably come across this line: “Before you meet your Prince Charming, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.” While there are many metaphors one could choose when describing the dating scene, I find this one particularly inaccurate and borderline offensive.
First, it employs the same immature tactic often seen on sitcoms and in teenage relationships - the assumption that anything less than a “happily ever after” was naturally a horrific ordeal. True, some people find that, by the end of a relationship, the word “frog” is one of the most gentle names they can come up with, but by and large, most dates are not nearly as grim as media makes them out to be - even the ones that don’t ultimately work out. I’ve met plenty of people who aren’t a good fit with me personally, but I wouldn’t consider them a “frog” - and hopefully they wouldn’t think of me that way, either. Nor do I feel that meeting them was a trial I had to endure.
Next, it implies that all your problems will be solved once you meet that perfect person, your Prince (or Princess) Charming. Never mind the fact that there is a certain amount of work in any relationship, or that most people can’t even tell at first sight if this one is “the right one.” And what of those extremely lucky people who meet a good match early on in the dating process? Should their happiness be any less valid because they haven’t “earned” it by “kissing frogs”?
Metaphors are almost always clumsy, but if dating absolutely requires one, I submit that it should be a game of darts. There is a small percentage of people who manage to hit the bullseye their very first time. Most others hit elsewhere on the board, with varying degrees of success. However, their next throw isn’t quite as random as their first; they’ve learned something, and they’re adjusting accordingly. For some, the skill develops quickly, and it isn’t long before they’re hitting the bullseye; others require a little extra practice, or maybe tips from others. But no throw is a complete waste; it’s just another tiny step on the way to success.
Something to remember that’s not covered by either metaphor: you’re not really dealing with inhuman “frogs” or “darts” - you’re dealing with other human beings, just as keen to reach their goal as you are. Other people are learning from you just as surely as you are from them. So as you set our on your next date, remember to treat your partner - and yourself - gently. Finding a good match means learning as much about yourself as your partner. With your priorities in place, perhaps everyone will get their happy ending - and no one will feel like a frog.
First, it employs the same immature tactic often seen on sitcoms and in teenage relationships - the assumption that anything less than a “happily ever after” was naturally a horrific ordeal. True, some people find that, by the end of a relationship, the word “frog” is one of the most gentle names they can come up with, but by and large, most dates are not nearly as grim as media makes them out to be - even the ones that don’t ultimately work out. I’ve met plenty of people who aren’t a good fit with me personally, but I wouldn’t consider them a “frog” - and hopefully they wouldn’t think of me that way, either. Nor do I feel that meeting them was a trial I had to endure.
Next, it implies that all your problems will be solved once you meet that perfect person, your Prince (or Princess) Charming. Never mind the fact that there is a certain amount of work in any relationship, or that most people can’t even tell at first sight if this one is “the right one.” And what of those extremely lucky people who meet a good match early on in the dating process? Should their happiness be any less valid because they haven’t “earned” it by “kissing frogs”?
Metaphors are almost always clumsy, but if dating absolutely requires one, I submit that it should be a game of darts. There is a small percentage of people who manage to hit the bullseye their very first time. Most others hit elsewhere on the board, with varying degrees of success. However, their next throw isn’t quite as random as their first; they’ve learned something, and they’re adjusting accordingly. For some, the skill develops quickly, and it isn’t long before they’re hitting the bullseye; others require a little extra practice, or maybe tips from others. But no throw is a complete waste; it’s just another tiny step on the way to success.
Something to remember that’s not covered by either metaphor: you’re not really dealing with inhuman “frogs” or “darts” - you’re dealing with other human beings, just as keen to reach their goal as you are. Other people are learning from you just as surely as you are from them. So as you set our on your next date, remember to treat your partner - and yourself - gently. Finding a good match means learning as much about yourself as your partner. With your priorities in place, perhaps everyone will get their happy ending - and no one will feel like a frog.
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