The New Formula For Finding Love (Part II)

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  • Wednesday, March 06 2013 @ 09:54 am
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When Amy Webb began online dating, she had faith in the system. Online dating algorithms are so sophisticated now that they must be a nearly-foolproof way to determine compatibility, right?

Wrong. Amy learned the hard way that online dating algorithms are only as good as the profiles they have to work with. If you write an incomplete, inaccurate, or just plain bad profile, an algorithm doesn't stand a chance of matching you with someone you'll actually click with, no matter how technologically advanced it is.

Amy set out on a quest to determine her own formula for finding love, and after a month of experimentation, she devised these 10 rules for creating the best possible profile:

  1. Your language should be positive and optimistic. Talk about your hopes, dreams, goals, and passions. Just make sure the conversation is light - your profile is not the place to tackle controversial subjects.
  2. The best profiles are succinct. Amy's was 900 words, which put her in the bottom 8% of all the profiles she reviewed. Aim for 90-100 words, which works out to about 3 sentences.
  3. Choose your photos wisely. Your pictures should focus above your waist. Make eye contact with the camera and shoot up close, so your face is highlighted. A stages smile is less appealing than a laugh.
  4. Don't try to be funny. Humor is good - forcing it is not. Have a friend review your profile to make sure your sense of humor translates well into text.
  5. Don't get too specific. Unless a specific - like enjoying a certain kind of food or liking a certain movie - is a dealbreaker for you, it doesn't need to be in your profile. You may accidentally alienate dates who would be good matches for you otherwise.
  6. Avoid controversy, for obvious reasons. "If you think there's something about what you've done in life that may be controversial or open for interpretation in a way that disadvantages you," Amy writes for CNN, "then leave it off." But, she adds, "I'm talking about political or activist work here, not things like jail time."
  7. Save some of your accomplishments to share at a later date. Your profile is not your CV. Listing your achievements makes it sound like you're applying for a job, not searching for a date. Besides, if you lay all your cards on the table right away, what will you have to talk about when you meet?
  8. Flirt intelligently. Aggressive pursuit usually isn't charming. Thoughtful flirting, in which you are attentive and show your deep interest in getting to know someone, is.
  9. Try the 20 hour rule. The 3 Day rule is out. Unless you're IMing in real time, wait 20-23 hours before responding to the initial few emails. It makes it clear you're interested without making you seem desperate.
  10. Don't be a stalker. Because no one wants to date someone who could be hiding behind their couch.

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