The Gut Detective
- Sunday, April 15 2012 @ 10:48 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,395
You’ve probably heard the phrase “trust your gut” before. Call it intuition, or simply your brain piecing together clues without your realizing it - whatever the name, gut instinct can be extremely useful in every stage of the online dating process.
Take, for example, the process of checking out profiles. Try an exercise: look at only the picture and write down what immediate impressions you receive. Does this person look kind? Are they arrogant? Do they seem high-maintenance? Do they have a warm smile? Then read the text of the profile and see if it matches up. If you seem to be consistently “reading” people, and then stumble on to a profile where there’s a complete disconnect, ask yourself why.
That doesn’t mean you should ignore the text! Far from it - it can reveal just as much as pictures, if not more. Sure, it’s been edited and polished, but the inner voice remains. And if there are any actual red flags of bitterness, anger, and so on, those probably remain too, because they tend to slip under the radar of the author. Emails are another place to read between the lines; sure, they’ll probably have more typos than the average profile, but they’re more revealing, too. Does this person seem completely different than their profile? Are they pushy, or are you just getting an “off” feeling?
Naturally, gut instinct is especially important when meeting someone in person for the first time. Because we’re talking to someone, face to face, we’re probably picking up on tiny clues faster than we can think about it. And these don’t all have to be negative, either - have you ever met someone and felt instantly comfortable? Much of what we call “chemistry” is really those snap judgments combined with mutual attraction.
So as you set out on your online dating journey, don’t discount your gut! Sure, it might just be bad sushi; that’s why you have logic to double-check. But it could also be that some part of your brain is a couple steps ahead of you - and it’s already pieced together whether you’re compatible.
Take, for example, the process of checking out profiles. Try an exercise: look at only the picture and write down what immediate impressions you receive. Does this person look kind? Are they arrogant? Do they seem high-maintenance? Do they have a warm smile? Then read the text of the profile and see if it matches up. If you seem to be consistently “reading” people, and then stumble on to a profile where there’s a complete disconnect, ask yourself why.
That doesn’t mean you should ignore the text! Far from it - it can reveal just as much as pictures, if not more. Sure, it’s been edited and polished, but the inner voice remains. And if there are any actual red flags of bitterness, anger, and so on, those probably remain too, because they tend to slip under the radar of the author. Emails are another place to read between the lines; sure, they’ll probably have more typos than the average profile, but they’re more revealing, too. Does this person seem completely different than their profile? Are they pushy, or are you just getting an “off” feeling?
Naturally, gut instinct is especially important when meeting someone in person for the first time. Because we’re talking to someone, face to face, we’re probably picking up on tiny clues faster than we can think about it. And these don’t all have to be negative, either - have you ever met someone and felt instantly comfortable? Much of what we call “chemistry” is really those snap judgments combined with mutual attraction.
So as you set out on your online dating journey, don’t discount your gut! Sure, it might just be bad sushi; that’s why you have logic to double-check. But it could also be that some part of your brain is a couple steps ahead of you - and it’s already pieced together whether you’re compatible.
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