The Baby Steps of Online Dating
- Friday, November 05 2010 @ 09:25 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,795
It's okay to admit it: heading out into the dating world can be daunting. Especially if you're one of those people who makes a “decision” about it: “It's been a certain, predetermined amount of time since my breakup (divorce, etc), so now I am going to get out there and date!” Expectations are high, and if you succeed, it could be life-changing. With something so big on the line, it's easy to feel like you're not getting the success you want. It's easy to want to opt out altogether.
However, dating is one of those instances where perseverance pays off. For one thing, it's a skill; you'll get better at the awkward first dates, and emailing. You'll better determine what you're really looking for. You'll learn through trial and error. And yet, on the other hand, there's an element of luck; you're waiting for compatible people to be available, reading your profile in the first place. And if you hang in there, chances are increased that someone compatible will come along. Sticking it out (as long as it's not at the expense of your well-being) is really the way to go.
That being said, yes, it can be frustrating. So what can you do in the meantime? What are the coffee and donuts to your stakeout?
Well, start with small goals. First, try a goal where you email a certain number of people a week. This ensures that you're being proactive and making an effort. Look up tips for good first emails. When you feel you've mastered that, make a goal to get maybe one response out of ten. Then try upping your goal number, or focus on landing a first date, etc.
Since occasionally the online pool is dry, diversify. Work on striking up conversations with strangers. Try talking to attractive people when you're out and about. Even if you're not literally looking for a date, you'll be more prepared and at ease when you finally meet up, face-to-face, for a first date. Rather than fretting over the lack of prospects on whatever online site you choose, step outside and go local – or try a free trial for another site.
Essentially, you're looking to distract yourself – but you're gaining skills and meeting people, all at the same time. Instead of overwhelming yourself with the big picture, think about small improvements. Before you know it, you'll be comfortable on a first date with a person you really like, and a world of possibilities before you.
However, dating is one of those instances where perseverance pays off. For one thing, it's a skill; you'll get better at the awkward first dates, and emailing. You'll better determine what you're really looking for. You'll learn through trial and error. And yet, on the other hand, there's an element of luck; you're waiting for compatible people to be available, reading your profile in the first place. And if you hang in there, chances are increased that someone compatible will come along. Sticking it out (as long as it's not at the expense of your well-being) is really the way to go.
That being said, yes, it can be frustrating. So what can you do in the meantime? What are the coffee and donuts to your stakeout?
Well, start with small goals. First, try a goal where you email a certain number of people a week. This ensures that you're being proactive and making an effort. Look up tips for good first emails. When you feel you've mastered that, make a goal to get maybe one response out of ten. Then try upping your goal number, or focus on landing a first date, etc.
Since occasionally the online pool is dry, diversify. Work on striking up conversations with strangers. Try talking to attractive people when you're out and about. Even if you're not literally looking for a date, you'll be more prepared and at ease when you finally meet up, face-to-face, for a first date. Rather than fretting over the lack of prospects on whatever online site you choose, step outside and go local – or try a free trial for another site.
Essentially, you're looking to distract yourself – but you're gaining skills and meeting people, all at the same time. Instead of overwhelming yourself with the big picture, think about small improvements. Before you know it, you'll be comfortable on a first date with a person you really like, and a world of possibilities before you.
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