New Study Shows Appreciation Can Help Relationships

It seems like a no-brainer: the more you say "thank you" to your partner the more likely you are to stay together. But when you're in the middle of a fight or you've been together a while, it's easy to just expect things from your partner, rather than appreciating what you do for each other on a regular basis.

A new study was released from University of California, Berkley, that found couples who did appreciate each other were more likely to increase commitment to their relationships, and those who didn't were more likely to split. Researchers examined 50 couples who had been in relationships for about fifteen months, asking them to complete questionnaires nightly for about a week, documenting how appreciated they felt and how appreciative they were towards their partners.

On days where participants felt appreciated by their partners, they were more likely to express and return feelings of appreciation the following day. Also, they were less likely to have broken up nine months later, and were more committed to the relationship.

Researchers also brought participants into the lab so they could study how the couples interacted: how often they touched each other, how they spoke to each other, how engaged each was in the conversation and how often they made eye contact. They discovered that, the more understanding, validating, and caring participants were towards their partners, the more appreciated the partner felt and the happier both were in the relationship. The physical gestures - making eye contact and touching your partner - were seen as ways partners show gratitude.

"When you are appreciative and you notice the value in your partner," said researcher Amie Gordon in an interview with LiveScience, "it helps you realize what you have and makes you want to hold on to it. You have something good and you think, 'I want to keep it.'

It makes sense; when we take our significant others for granted it leads to feelings of insecurity, doubt and frustration. This can also be the cause of miscommunication, especially when couples are together for a long time. Instead of really listening to what each other says, it's sometimes easier to make assumptions which aren't correct. This is why it's so important to communicate well in any relationship, no matter how long you've been together or how well you think you know the other person.

Couples in the study ranged in age from 18 to 60, and about half of them lived together at the time of the study.