Strengthening Conversational Muscles
- Tuesday, November 13 2012 @ 09:14 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,189
When first entering the dating world after a long absence, many people are taken by surprise by how, well, awkward it can be. More to the point, they’re surprised by how awkward they are! I’ve heard complaints ranging from, “This was never this difficult back in college!” to “I’ve never been good at this, and I never will be.”
The truth of the matter is, we call them “social skills” because that’s what they are - skills. The good news is, this means you can improve them at any time no matter how unsuccessful you’ve been in the past. The bad news is, these are skills that tend to atrophy if left unused, just like muscles. And sometimes we don’t even realize how little they’ve been used.
Many people seem to think that the only people whose social skills need improving are people who have no friends at all or live the life of a hermit, working from home and answering the door only to receive their groceries. It’s not uncommon to hear, “I talk to people every day at my job!” or “I have lots of friends!”
However, if we think of social skills as muscles once again, we realize that inter-office relationships, or selling your product to clients, are a distinct set of “muscles” that aren’t really applicable (for one thing, you want to communicate and listen, not sell yourself, and for another, even people who have no trouble selling other things sometimes clam up when it comes to their own attributes). Maintaining a relationship with friends you’ve known for years is yet another “muscle group.”
On a first date, you’re using small talk, but paying genuine attention - the sort of “muscles” you’d use when you’re making friends. And really, unless we’ve just moved to a new location or started a new job, how many of us use those skills regularly?
Luckily, you don’t need to wait for your first date to start honing your skills. Start practicing now, with anyone you don’t know well. The small talk component can be exercised with your grocery store checkout clerk, your coffee barista, your neighbor. Practice being friendly, and asking others questions about themselves - and listen to the answers. It might feel awkward, but rather that now than on a date!
No matter what your current “strength,” you can always improve your conversational skills - which will, in turn, make you that much more relaxed and confident on your date. And who ever complained of having social skills that were too strong?
The truth of the matter is, we call them “social skills” because that’s what they are - skills. The good news is, this means you can improve them at any time no matter how unsuccessful you’ve been in the past. The bad news is, these are skills that tend to atrophy if left unused, just like muscles. And sometimes we don’t even realize how little they’ve been used.
Many people seem to think that the only people whose social skills need improving are people who have no friends at all or live the life of a hermit, working from home and answering the door only to receive their groceries. It’s not uncommon to hear, “I talk to people every day at my job!” or “I have lots of friends!”
However, if we think of social skills as muscles once again, we realize that inter-office relationships, or selling your product to clients, are a distinct set of “muscles” that aren’t really applicable (for one thing, you want to communicate and listen, not sell yourself, and for another, even people who have no trouble selling other things sometimes clam up when it comes to their own attributes). Maintaining a relationship with friends you’ve known for years is yet another “muscle group.”
On a first date, you’re using small talk, but paying genuine attention - the sort of “muscles” you’d use when you’re making friends. And really, unless we’ve just moved to a new location or started a new job, how many of us use those skills regularly?
Luckily, you don’t need to wait for your first date to start honing your skills. Start practicing now, with anyone you don’t know well. The small talk component can be exercised with your grocery store checkout clerk, your coffee barista, your neighbor. Practice being friendly, and asking others questions about themselves - and listen to the answers. It might feel awkward, but rather that now than on a date!
No matter what your current “strength,” you can always improve your conversational skills - which will, in turn, make you that much more relaxed and confident on your date. And who ever complained of having social skills that were too strong?
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