How To Strengthen Your Relationship Using The Five Love Languages

It's irrational, but it's true: sometimes the people we care about the most are the ones we treat with the least amount of respect, care, and attention.

In fact, some psychology studies have even proved that there's truth to the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." One such study came to the conclusion that, on average, we like other people less the more we know about them. As we learn more information about another person, the likelihood increases that we will uncover a trait about the person that we dislike. And once we've discovered one disagreeable trait, we're more likely to find others.

All this brings up one big question: if we tend to dislike people the more we get to know them, how can long-term relationships possibly work?

In long-term relationships, this problem presents itself not as contempt, but as slipping into mindless habits and behaviors. When we feel secure in our relationships we feel less need to "make an effort," and that in turn leads to resentment from neglected partners who feel they're being taken for granted.

The key to hitting the brakes on the negative cycle is to "make an effort" again through gratitude, attentiveness, and affection. Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages is a guide to showing love and appreciation for your partner. Though the author's focus on heterosexual, monogamous marriage through a Christian lens is limiting, his ideas are solid and can be applied to any kind of relationship.

The five ways to give and receive affection are:

1. Quality Time: Give each other your undivided attention. Use the time to talk, listen, or enjoy a shared activity. Go for quality over quantity - the amount of time you spend together doesn't matter, as long as you're truly focused on each other.
2. Word of Affirmation: Use language to illustrate what your loved one means to you. This can be spoken or written. Share kind, appreciative, and affectionate words that demonstrate how much you care. Note that actively listening also falls into this category.
3. Acts of Service: Do good deeds for each other. Does your partner hate washing the dishes? Wash them instead, even if it's not your turn. Show you care through the actions you take.
4. Gifts: Show that you were thinking of your partner by presenting them with a token of your affection. The gift could be anything - an expensive indulgence or a homemade present. Cost is not the point. What matters most is that your loved one was on your mind.
5. Physical Touch: It's easy to forget physical intimacy in a nonsexual context. Nurture your relationship with other kinds of physical connection, like hugging, cuddling, massage, and holding hands.

Talk with your partner about the love languages you both prefer speak. The more you know about how to create positive connections between each other, the stronger your relationship will be.