Somewhere in Time

It's no secret that the dating process can be frustrating from time to time. Every time we go through a break up, or that first date doesn't go anywhere, or that email goes ignored, our confidence and tenacity are challenged. The thing is, it's easy to judge our success by an imaginary “happily-ever-after” endgame, but we'll be setting ourselves up to feel like a failure in the meantime. Perhaps a more productive and healthy thing to do would be to keep a tally of what we've learned along the way.

I once knew a girl who was pretty high-strung, a cheerleader type. She'd had more than her share of boyfriends, but nothing really worked in the long-term. Every time a relationship ended, she was understandably discouraged. But there were small benefits; one guy introduced her to baseball, and it turned out her love for baseball far outlasted the love for the guy. One particular jerk taught her exactly what she didn't want in a relationship, and enabled her to spot jerks like him more effectively in the future.

After years of “failure,” the girl was with friends at a baseball game when one friend ran into a work associate from years before. The girl and the work associate shared a love for baseball, and that wasn't all they had in common. Now, they're married.

It's a sweet story, but the fact is that the work associate fell in love with the girl exactly the way she was at that moment. All of her failures, all of her knowledge contributed to make her who she was. It's entirely possible that if they'd met earlier, she might not have liked a sports nut. He might not have liked who she was. They were just perfect for each other at that point in their lives, but that might not have always been the case.

So next time that date or email doesn't work out, think about how you've been shaped. What have you discovered you like, or dislike? How will you handle a similar situation in the future? Focus on the process, and the endgame may come sooner than you expect.