Sleuthing for a Match
- Saturday, October 22 2011 @ 07:55 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,260
Last night, I was talking to a male friend, Richard, about his experience with online dating. He said, “I’m kind of surprised there aren’t more people like me on online sites. I mean, I’ve searched for this interest, and this one, and I’ve hardly gotten any results.”
I asked him if he’d searched for some of his other interests - I even named a few. “Well, no, I hadn’t thought of those.” I suggested a few interests that girls in his general social group tend to like. He sighed. “Well, I know that most of our friends who are girls like that TV show - but I don’t care for it that much.”
“Sure,” I said, “but girls who like that TV show also tend to like this, and this, and that - things that you do like!”
He shrugged. “This is like playing detective,” he complained. “I thought I’d just plug in my major interests and be done.”
There are a few misconceptions Richard has about online dating, and dating in general, and he’s most likely not the only one. First, you’re looking for a good match - but you’re not looking for a clone. Two people with different backgrounds, life experiences, and tastes are bound to have some differences, no matter how much spark there is between them.
More importantly, that’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t share every last interest - even if it’s your very favorite hobby or genre or movie. If there are other things you do have in common, if you mesh well and have a spark of attraction, you can withstand a difference of opinion on pretty much anything, as long as you respect the difference. And who knows? Maybe your partner just needs to be introduced to your favorite interest, and they’ll like it too - but if they don’t, it’s still not the end of the world or the relationship.
Since you can’t bank on having one interest, in particular, in common, it does sometimes mean that you have to get a little crafty in your keyword searches. Try looking at the outside interests of your friends - if you get along with them, you might get along with a potential match who has the same interests. Try different titles of TV or movies within the same genre, or a different but related hobby.
If that doesn’t work, try a general search. When you start finding profiles that catch your eye, email those people, but also note what their general interests are, and try to find more like them. What is it about their profile that attracts you?
Finding a compatible person can be a bit more tricky than you’d think, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthwhile pursuit. As you begin your search, don’t be afraid to think outside the box - or act like your favorite detective!
I asked him if he’d searched for some of his other interests - I even named a few. “Well, no, I hadn’t thought of those.” I suggested a few interests that girls in his general social group tend to like. He sighed. “Well, I know that most of our friends who are girls like that TV show - but I don’t care for it that much.”
“Sure,” I said, “but girls who like that TV show also tend to like this, and this, and that - things that you do like!”
He shrugged. “This is like playing detective,” he complained. “I thought I’d just plug in my major interests and be done.”
There are a few misconceptions Richard has about online dating, and dating in general, and he’s most likely not the only one. First, you’re looking for a good match - but you’re not looking for a clone. Two people with different backgrounds, life experiences, and tastes are bound to have some differences, no matter how much spark there is between them.
More importantly, that’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t share every last interest - even if it’s your very favorite hobby or genre or movie. If there are other things you do have in common, if you mesh well and have a spark of attraction, you can withstand a difference of opinion on pretty much anything, as long as you respect the difference. And who knows? Maybe your partner just needs to be introduced to your favorite interest, and they’ll like it too - but if they don’t, it’s still not the end of the world or the relationship.
Since you can’t bank on having one interest, in particular, in common, it does sometimes mean that you have to get a little crafty in your keyword searches. Try looking at the outside interests of your friends - if you get along with them, you might get along with a potential match who has the same interests. Try different titles of TV or movies within the same genre, or a different but related hobby.
If that doesn’t work, try a general search. When you start finding profiles that catch your eye, email those people, but also note what their general interests are, and try to find more like them. What is it about their profile that attracts you?
Finding a compatible person can be a bit more tricky than you’d think, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a worthwhile pursuit. As you begin your search, don’t be afraid to think outside the box - or act like your favorite detective!
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