Shutting Down the Radar
- Thursday, June 28 2012 @ 09:38 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,309
When you’re ready to be in a relationship, anyone is a potential partner - not just the profiles you peruse online, but the people you see in the grocery store, or at the movie theater, or the post office. You never know where or when you might meet someone who’s great for you, so it’s not uncommon for part of your brain to be on the alert all the time.
Understandably, your brain might have some issues adjusting when you do begin dating someone new. When part of your brain has been on red (love) alert for some time, how do you turn it off?
For some, it doesn’t just happen automatically. It’s not like a hotel room, where you can easily flip the “Do Not Disturb” sign when you feel like it. We’re creatures of habit. However, that doesn’t mean we should be a slave to our habits or our instincts! To a certain degree, we retrain our brains consciously - by ignoring that little voice that points out the person next to us in line isn’t wearing a wedding ring, or that the cute barista is probably flirting with us. Eventually, our radar cools down.
However, there’s something else to remember: just because you might not be actively looking doesn’t mean you’ll become blind. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with noticing someone attractive. There’s not even anything wrong with appreciating someone attractive (subtly, to yourself).
Remember: attraction isn’t just about some animal portion of our brains. Instead of worrying about stifling parts of our brains, an easier way is to focus on what we do have control over: choice. We choose to be with our partners. We’re not “meant to be,” and there are probably movie stars who are objectively more attractive. But you choose to be together. Focus on that, and your worries about shutting down the part of your brain that’s on the lookout for anyone available will likely fade away.
Understandably, your brain might have some issues adjusting when you do begin dating someone new. When part of your brain has been on red (love) alert for some time, how do you turn it off?
For some, it doesn’t just happen automatically. It’s not like a hotel room, where you can easily flip the “Do Not Disturb” sign when you feel like it. We’re creatures of habit. However, that doesn’t mean we should be a slave to our habits or our instincts! To a certain degree, we retrain our brains consciously - by ignoring that little voice that points out the person next to us in line isn’t wearing a wedding ring, or that the cute barista is probably flirting with us. Eventually, our radar cools down.
However, there’s something else to remember: just because you might not be actively looking doesn’t mean you’ll become blind. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with noticing someone attractive. There’s not even anything wrong with appreciating someone attractive (subtly, to yourself).
Remember: attraction isn’t just about some animal portion of our brains. Instead of worrying about stifling parts of our brains, an easier way is to focus on what we do have control over: choice. We choose to be with our partners. We’re not “meant to be,” and there are probably movie stars who are objectively more attractive. But you choose to be together. Focus on that, and your worries about shutting down the part of your brain that’s on the lookout for anyone available will likely fade away.
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