Should You Take a Dating Break?

When I met a girlfriend over coffee last weekend, she was lamenting about the state of the dating pool today.

"Why can't I meet one decent guy?" she cried. "All I ever get are losers. I'm not even excited to meet anyone these days. It's like the same thing, night after night. No sparks, no chemistry - or he doesn't want anything serious, not even a second date if he's halfway decent."

I nodded my head, remembering exactly how she felt. I'd felt this way a few times in my life, as though nothing was ever going to change. As if I were on a dating treadmill. I knew then that I had to get off. And I told her the same thing.

"What do you mean?" she asked, wide-eyed. "Stop dating? Give up?"

Not exactly. What I was advising was a lot more hopeful - a dating break. A temporary reprieve from the online dating sites, the first meetings over coffee, the follow-up texts. It was time to put things into perspective.

When you're jaded and depressed about dating, to the point where you don't look forward to going out and you don't think you'll meet anybody worth meeting, it's time for a reset. Nobody is going to click with you if you're shutting them out. Maybe it's not the people you're meeting who aren't good enough, maybe it's the energy you carry around with you.

Let me explain in scientific terms: like attracts like. That doesn't mean you have to have the same interests, habits, mannerisms, sense of humor, etc. as your date, but that you both have to approach meeting each other with a certain level of openness, a readiness to be vulnerable and have fun. It's not as easy as it looks sometimes.

If you feel jaded or lack the energy to date, it might be time to take a brief hiatus. A break can help you take stock of what's most important to you, and give you new perspective.

Following are some signs you should take a mini-sabbatical:

You're dating the same type of person. If you're dating only athletes, or business owners, or players, then you might want to take a step back to see why you aren't saying yes to men outside of your "type." Sometimes we limit our opportunities when we're too rigid in our searches or fall into the same bad habits.

You lack the energy or excitement for dating. No more first date nerves? Then you probably aren't putting forth your best effort in meeting people, which can work against you. A break could help you recharge.

You don't trust anyone (or give them a chance). If you haven't gotten over someone who hurt you in the past, then it's time to do some serious soul-searching. It's hard to move forward in a new relationship if you're still angry, hurt or jealous.Take some time to nurture yourself before getting back out there.

You're still in love with your ex. Maybe you need more time to get over your break-up. If your dates feel more like rebounds, it's time to give yourself a break and come back to it when you're ready.