Saddle the Horse Before Getting Back On
- Thursday, July 12 2012 @ 09:55 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,050
In general, I would encourage most people to use online dating sites - there’s pretty much no downside. However, there is such a thing as jumping back into the dating game too soon. We’ve all probably been there to some degree: a relationship ends in a heated argument. Upset, you think to yourself, “I’ll show them! I’ll find someone else, someone better!” And you create an online profile, or have a one-night stand.
The problem is, an online profile is not the same thing as a one-night stand, unless you’re specifically looking for one-night stands (which aren’t particularly recommended in any case). Think of it this way: a relationship started through online dating goes through a certain amount of back-and-forth before you ever meet. You write emails, you learn about one another. Do you really want to put that much time and effort - and essentially waste the other person’s time - for a relationship that you know is simply a rebound?
Depending on how invested you were in the last relationship, the amount of time it takes to heal from a broken heart varies. Some people are ready to start again in a few days; for others, it’s longer. Don’t push yourself, or allow others to push you, into something you’re not ready for. Half of finding a good match is all about timing - that you’re ready to appreciate and enjoy one another, and that you’re at a similar place in life. What’s the point of finding someone great when you’re occupied thinking about someone else?
At the same time, just perusing an online dating site can help you get back on the horse and climb out of the depths of despair. You don’t have to create a profile or start emailing to do a few custom searches and see that there are plenty of fish in the sea. So many convince themselves that they’ll “never find anyone better” than their ex, but they’re just lacking a little perspective. Online dating sites can offer that.
So if you’ve just come out of a painful breakup, there’s nothing wrong with turning to online dating sites as a way to dip your toe back into the dating pool - but think carefully before you start any relationships. The object is to end pain, not inflict it on someone else. And when you’re really ready, you’ll be able to get a running start.
The problem is, an online profile is not the same thing as a one-night stand, unless you’re specifically looking for one-night stands (which aren’t particularly recommended in any case). Think of it this way: a relationship started through online dating goes through a certain amount of back-and-forth before you ever meet. You write emails, you learn about one another. Do you really want to put that much time and effort - and essentially waste the other person’s time - for a relationship that you know is simply a rebound?
Depending on how invested you were in the last relationship, the amount of time it takes to heal from a broken heart varies. Some people are ready to start again in a few days; for others, it’s longer. Don’t push yourself, or allow others to push you, into something you’re not ready for. Half of finding a good match is all about timing - that you’re ready to appreciate and enjoy one another, and that you’re at a similar place in life. What’s the point of finding someone great when you’re occupied thinking about someone else?
At the same time, just perusing an online dating site can help you get back on the horse and climb out of the depths of despair. You don’t have to create a profile or start emailing to do a few custom searches and see that there are plenty of fish in the sea. So many convince themselves that they’ll “never find anyone better” than their ex, but they’re just lacking a little perspective. Online dating sites can offer that.
So if you’ve just come out of a painful breakup, there’s nothing wrong with turning to online dating sites as a way to dip your toe back into the dating pool - but think carefully before you start any relationships. The object is to end pain, not inflict it on someone else. And when you’re really ready, you’ll be able to get a running start.
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