Romance or Friendship?
- Friday, January 13 2012 @ 09:30 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,427
Many dating sites are branching out and attempting to become something along the lines of dating/social networking sites. A friend of mine, Emily, recently asked me a question:
“A guy emailed me. He seems really nice, but not my type at all. I wouldn’t mind getting to know him as a friend - which this site says it’s there for also - but I’m not interested in him romantically. How should I handle this? Would responding, even to tell him I’m only interested in being friends, be leading him on?”
It’s an interesting issue, particularly as the lines on these sites blur. Sure, it might be easiest to just say you’re only there for friendship - but what if you’re there for romance, but not with specific people?
In general, the easiest way to solve these sorts of problems before they begin is honesty and full disclosure. Here’s the problem, though: how would you feel if you got a first-contact email from someone who said they were interested in physical romance, true love, marriage, and beginning a family? A bit creeped out, perhaps? Regardless of our intentions, in practice a romantic relationship starts out almost indistinguishable from a friendship - with a polite greeting, and getting to know one another.
Thus, on a site that is at least partially devoted to online dating, we should take “romance” as the unspoken default, and the burden of responsibility falls on the person who only wants friendship. If you’re not looking for anyone special in the first place, make sure you have the appropriate boxes checked. If you’re contacting someone for friendship, not romance, make sure you explain it clearly in the email.
Sure, it might feel a little awkward, and some might even back off if you’re not looking for the same thing. But those brief moments of awkwardness are far less uncomfortable than starting a friendship with mixed signals. That being said, for my friend Emily, responding with honesty would not be leading her potential friend on. All one can do is be honest; if someone persists in ignoring reality after that, it becomes their own problem.
As the lines between online dating sites and social networking become all the more fuzzy, it’s best to keep our own intentions as clear as possible. When we’re looking for love, the last thing we want is to muddy up the waters with misunderstandings and drama.
“A guy emailed me. He seems really nice, but not my type at all. I wouldn’t mind getting to know him as a friend - which this site says it’s there for also - but I’m not interested in him romantically. How should I handle this? Would responding, even to tell him I’m only interested in being friends, be leading him on?”
It’s an interesting issue, particularly as the lines on these sites blur. Sure, it might be easiest to just say you’re only there for friendship - but what if you’re there for romance, but not with specific people?
In general, the easiest way to solve these sorts of problems before they begin is honesty and full disclosure. Here’s the problem, though: how would you feel if you got a first-contact email from someone who said they were interested in physical romance, true love, marriage, and beginning a family? A bit creeped out, perhaps? Regardless of our intentions, in practice a romantic relationship starts out almost indistinguishable from a friendship - with a polite greeting, and getting to know one another.
Thus, on a site that is at least partially devoted to online dating, we should take “romance” as the unspoken default, and the burden of responsibility falls on the person who only wants friendship. If you’re not looking for anyone special in the first place, make sure you have the appropriate boxes checked. If you’re contacting someone for friendship, not romance, make sure you explain it clearly in the email.
Sure, it might feel a little awkward, and some might even back off if you’re not looking for the same thing. But those brief moments of awkwardness are far less uncomfortable than starting a friendship with mixed signals. That being said, for my friend Emily, responding with honesty would not be leading her potential friend on. All one can do is be honest; if someone persists in ignoring reality after that, it becomes their own problem.
As the lines between online dating sites and social networking become all the more fuzzy, it’s best to keep our own intentions as clear as possible. When we’re looking for love, the last thing we want is to muddy up the waters with misunderstandings and drama.
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