The Roadmap to Online Dating Success, Part 5: The Daily Grind

Once you've gotten everything set up, it's time to get in the groove!

Sign in daily, or at least 3x a week. Most dating sites list the last login date of each profile, so you want yours to appear current. Even if you only login for the sake of pinging your account, do it. People are much more likely to email someone when their profile says, “Active within 24 hours” or “Online now!”

Some sites, like the new RewardingLove.com, are even prioritizing matches and only matching those members with active profiles.

Reply promptly, but don’t stalk your email. Even if it’s to say “No thanks,” be polite and reply promptly to all emails. Avoid looking like you stalk your dating inbox – give it a half day or so before you write back so you don’t appear desperate.

I know that it may seem like inviting trouble to send a “no thanks” email, and I’ll admit, some people can’t take “no thanks” for an answer. But more often than not, people will either say nothing or reply back to say thank you for letting them know you’re not interested. Got one of those people who won’t go away? Use your dating site’s blocking feature – you don’t owe them anything more than a “no thanks.”

Always think of how you would feel if you were in the other person’s shoes. If you emailed someone who you thought was perfect for you and they never ever wrote you back, even though they’ve obviously logged into the site several times and read your email, you’d get pretty upset. While it may sting a bit to hear “no thanks,” it at least gives closure for that match. No more wondering – now everyone knows where they stand.

Don’t overdo it. Stick to a schedule. Like I mentioned earlier, emailing more than 10 people a week will start to take its toll on the quality of the emails you send. You’ll also get really frustrated when it looks like you’ve sent 50 emails in three days and gotten no responses. (When the real problem is not the quantity, but the quality of those emails.)

Favorite people, then email. If you’ve already sent out your 10 emails this week, resist the urge to crank out more! Take a break from emailing, continue to add people to your favorites list, and wait for any replies to come in from your original emails before sending more. (Sometimes, people you add to the list will email YOU before you have the chance to email them!)

Be selective. OkCupid has started to show how frequently each member replies to emails. If you have the choice of emailing a green (replies frequently) or a red (replies very selectively), pick the best bet! (Or email the red knowing your chances of a reply are slim!) I wish more dating sites would implement this feature because it would encourage everyone to reply to more first contact emails.

Don’t get discouraged. Especially with paid sites, your 10 emails may only be read by 6 paying members. Out of those 6, two may be already seeing someone semi-seriously and 3 may not be interested in you. Getting one reply isn’t such bad odds! Keep your chin up. Remember, if you have your best profile, your best pictures, and write your best emails and they still don’t reply, then they’re not worth YOUR time, not the other way around.

Freshen up your profile. Update your profile at least once per season to reflect what’s going on in your life. It could be as easy as a new headline, or popping in a sentence about the new movie you just saw or the live concert you’re looking forward to next month. Swap out your main profile picture (another reason why it’s good to have two close-up shots of your face). You may get a second glance from someone who wrote you off originally!

Last but not least, don’t let online dating rule your life. Get away from your computer and do things. Join a meetup group, go game with buddies, take a walk with your dog. Finding love isn’t a race to the finish. If you treat it that way, you’ll be likely to settle for the first person to want to date you. Then you’ll find yourself stuck in an unsatisfying relationship, go through yet another breakup, and be stuck back at square one. Take your time to do online dating right and you’ll be sure to connect with the right person.

Related Stories:
The Roadmap to Online Dating Success, Part 1: Choosing Your Site
The Roadmap to Online Dating Success, Part 2: The Perfect Profile
The Roadmap to Online Dating Success, Part 3: Before You Send Any Emails
The Roadmap to Online Dating Success, Part 4: Emails and Winks