Red Flag or Weird Quirk?
- Friday, October 26 2012 @ 09:42 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,087
I once knew a couple that seemed to be on the same page in almost every regard - household issues, problem-solving, even making dinner. They worked well together nearly all of the time. Except for one area: dancing.
They first tried to take dancing lessons before their wedding, and it was a disaster. They snapped at each other, they lost patience. Eventually they quit the lessons altogether. There was no fancy dance number at the reception, though everyone managed to have a good time regardless.
Still, they viewed the dance disaster as a bit of a “couple’s failure,” and a few years later they decided to try a different dance class, to conquer it once and for all. Still terrible. They weren’t learning anything and they weren’t having fun. Dance had defeated them once again.
They never could figure out why dancing together eluded them. They navigated foreign cities, fixed burst pipes, and handled illnesses as a team; why couldn’t they manage this? Perhaps it was that it was something that was out of both their comfort zones; neither one could really step up and be the leader. Luckily, dancing wasn’t very important to them, except as a challenge, so their lives aren’t particularly lacking without it.
But imagine how everything might have been different if they’d decided to tackle dancing on their very first date. How different might their snappishness and inability to work together have seemed then? Would they have even made it to a second date, or would they have given up on the relationship instead of the dancing?
It’s often a good idea to go on a date that allows you to work together, and it’s surely not a bad idea to see how your date operates with stress and pressure before you commit and make a life together. However, I’d be wary of placing too much emphasis, or making too much of a metaphor, out of only one activity.
If there’s one activity or challenge where you tend to clash, that’s one thing - that’s a potential quirk that has to be worked around, like the couple that loves taking vacations but hates traveling together to get there. Now, if you can’t do anything from making a bowl of pasta to putting together a jigsaw puzzle without things turning ugly, that’s something else again.
So as you go on your dates, if you encounter someone who truly seems perfect but the date itself was off, think carefully and listen to gut instincts as well. Are you seeing a red flag - or have you simply encountered your dancing lesson?
They first tried to take dancing lessons before their wedding, and it was a disaster. They snapped at each other, they lost patience. Eventually they quit the lessons altogether. There was no fancy dance number at the reception, though everyone managed to have a good time regardless.
Still, they viewed the dance disaster as a bit of a “couple’s failure,” and a few years later they decided to try a different dance class, to conquer it once and for all. Still terrible. They weren’t learning anything and they weren’t having fun. Dance had defeated them once again.
They never could figure out why dancing together eluded them. They navigated foreign cities, fixed burst pipes, and handled illnesses as a team; why couldn’t they manage this? Perhaps it was that it was something that was out of both their comfort zones; neither one could really step up and be the leader. Luckily, dancing wasn’t very important to them, except as a challenge, so their lives aren’t particularly lacking without it.
But imagine how everything might have been different if they’d decided to tackle dancing on their very first date. How different might their snappishness and inability to work together have seemed then? Would they have even made it to a second date, or would they have given up on the relationship instead of the dancing?
It’s often a good idea to go on a date that allows you to work together, and it’s surely not a bad idea to see how your date operates with stress and pressure before you commit and make a life together. However, I’d be wary of placing too much emphasis, or making too much of a metaphor, out of only one activity.
If there’s one activity or challenge where you tend to clash, that’s one thing - that’s a potential quirk that has to be worked around, like the couple that loves taking vacations but hates traveling together to get there. Now, if you can’t do anything from making a bowl of pasta to putting together a jigsaw puzzle without things turning ugly, that’s something else again.
So as you go on your dates, if you encounter someone who truly seems perfect but the date itself was off, think carefully and listen to gut instincts as well. Are you seeing a red flag - or have you simply encountered your dancing lesson?
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