Putting the Heart Before the Horse
- Saturday, April 07 2012 @ 09:19 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,796
Venturing into online dating can be an exhilarating time. If you’re just getting back into the dating game, it’s a less-stressful way to dip your toe into the pool. If you’re sick of your local dating scene, it can represent an entire new world of possibilities that aren’t otherwise easily accessible. However, there is one behavior that you might want to watch out for, especially if you’re new to online dating: getting emotionally attached before you need to.
Becoming too attached isn’t always easy to spot. Sure, it’s easy to come up with an incredibly dramatic scenario: someone who picks out her wedding dress after the first date, or a guy who’s asking his match to move in after the first email. Most people aren’t caricatures, however, and sometimes your emotions can sneak up on you.
For example, Tom had been sending out first-contact emails for a few months, to a variety of women. They were all reasonably attractive, and he was reasonably interested, but there was certainly no infatuation at first sight - until he came across the profile of a woman named Susan. Susan seemed like a personification of everything Tom had been looking for; he sent her an email right away and then checked his email every ten minutes for the next few days.
Now, not only did Tom have no clue whether or not Susan would be interested, he didn’t even know if he’d actually like her in person! And as it turned out, after their first date, it was obvious they had no chemistry. Tom was forced to admit to himself that perhaps he’d jumped the gun. He’d spent days as a ball of nerves without good reason. But it wasn’t all bad - he has renewed faith that there’s someone out there with similar interests who’s right for him.
Marilee has an even more subtle case of too-fast, too-soon. She’s only just started online dating, and so far it’s going well - in fact, she’s been talking to three separate men. Her problem? She feels guilty! She’s certainly not expected to be exclusive - she hasn’t even been on a date with any of them - but she feels like talking via a dating site, as opposed to a bar or grocery store, somehow “means more.” Since her behavior is different than it otherwise might be - she normally would have no problem saying hi to more than one man - she needs to re-evaluate what weight she places on each step of the online dating process.
Now, it’s not the end of the world if your emotions run away with you; it probably happens to everyone at some point. What’s important is that you recognize it and evaluate it before it does become a problem. Dating can be fun, but it can be stressful - why place extra anxiety and worries on yourself?
Becoming too attached isn’t always easy to spot. Sure, it’s easy to come up with an incredibly dramatic scenario: someone who picks out her wedding dress after the first date, or a guy who’s asking his match to move in after the first email. Most people aren’t caricatures, however, and sometimes your emotions can sneak up on you.
For example, Tom had been sending out first-contact emails for a few months, to a variety of women. They were all reasonably attractive, and he was reasonably interested, but there was certainly no infatuation at first sight - until he came across the profile of a woman named Susan. Susan seemed like a personification of everything Tom had been looking for; he sent her an email right away and then checked his email every ten minutes for the next few days.
Now, not only did Tom have no clue whether or not Susan would be interested, he didn’t even know if he’d actually like her in person! And as it turned out, after their first date, it was obvious they had no chemistry. Tom was forced to admit to himself that perhaps he’d jumped the gun. He’d spent days as a ball of nerves without good reason. But it wasn’t all bad - he has renewed faith that there’s someone out there with similar interests who’s right for him.
Marilee has an even more subtle case of too-fast, too-soon. She’s only just started online dating, and so far it’s going well - in fact, she’s been talking to three separate men. Her problem? She feels guilty! She’s certainly not expected to be exclusive - she hasn’t even been on a date with any of them - but she feels like talking via a dating site, as opposed to a bar or grocery store, somehow “means more.” Since her behavior is different than it otherwise might be - she normally would have no problem saying hi to more than one man - she needs to re-evaluate what weight she places on each step of the online dating process.
Now, it’s not the end of the world if your emotions run away with you; it probably happens to everyone at some point. What’s important is that you recognize it and evaluate it before it does become a problem. Dating can be fun, but it can be stressful - why place extra anxiety and worries on yourself?
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