Online Dating: Bringing Out the Best and Worst in Us
- Tuesday, April 02 2013 @ 10:04 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 925
Online dating can bring out the best in us. No, really: we start to think about what we really want, which then causes us to think seriously about our priorities. We might start to work on our self-esteem. We might gain people skills. All of these things are great; none of them are dependent on finding love, but sometimes we need just such a motivator to get us started down a great path.
However, online dating can absolutely bring out the worst in us, too. Because rejection is so commonplace (really, everyone will get rejected in some fashion at some point), it tends to stir up all those feelings of insecurity that we’ve worked on stifling for most of our adult lives. Being rejected can make you feel like a hurt twelve-year-old. Unfortunately, at this point some react like a hurt twelve-year-old. Add in the relative anonymity of the internet, and you’ve got a formula for saying things you really shouldn’t.
Here’s a quick quiz. You’ve sent a first-contact email and been given a rather brusque, if not downright rude, brush-off. How do you respond?
A)You say something polite and move on. You console yourself with the thought that you’re the classy one.
B)You don’t respond at all. Whether or not they meant to be harsh, they’re probably not interested and you’re not interested in someone who’s meaner than they intend, anyway.
C)You’re feeling hurt and you want them to feel hurt in return. You send an email back picking apart their response, with a few snide comments or insults thrown in. At least you’re not the only one feeling bad now.
One of these responses would be most at home on the playground. It’s immature at best, and such juvenile behavior would likely not be tolerated elsewhere in the adult world, like the workplace. But thanks to the combination of anonymity and raw feelings, such emails can be tempting.
As with almost anything online, when sending an email to a potential match, it’s good to ask yourself: would I say this very thing in public, or is it too risque, vulgar, or hurtful? Will I feel good about myself if I send this? Remember, it is possible for online dating to being out the best in us; but first we have to overcome the temptation to slip into the worst.
However, online dating can absolutely bring out the worst in us, too. Because rejection is so commonplace (really, everyone will get rejected in some fashion at some point), it tends to stir up all those feelings of insecurity that we’ve worked on stifling for most of our adult lives. Being rejected can make you feel like a hurt twelve-year-old. Unfortunately, at this point some react like a hurt twelve-year-old. Add in the relative anonymity of the internet, and you’ve got a formula for saying things you really shouldn’t.
Here’s a quick quiz. You’ve sent a first-contact email and been given a rather brusque, if not downright rude, brush-off. How do you respond?
A)You say something polite and move on. You console yourself with the thought that you’re the classy one.
B)You don’t respond at all. Whether or not they meant to be harsh, they’re probably not interested and you’re not interested in someone who’s meaner than they intend, anyway.
C)You’re feeling hurt and you want them to feel hurt in return. You send an email back picking apart their response, with a few snide comments or insults thrown in. At least you’re not the only one feeling bad now.
One of these responses would be most at home on the playground. It’s immature at best, and such juvenile behavior would likely not be tolerated elsewhere in the adult world, like the workplace. But thanks to the combination of anonymity and raw feelings, such emails can be tempting.
As with almost anything online, when sending an email to a potential match, it’s good to ask yourself: would I say this very thing in public, or is it too risque, vulgar, or hurtful? Will I feel good about myself if I send this? Remember, it is possible for online dating to being out the best in us; but first we have to overcome the temptation to slip into the worst.
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