Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink
- Sunday, February 06 2011 @ 08:42 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,740
Let me tell you about a guy I know, “Rob.” Rob recently decided to jump into the world of online dating. I helped him edit his profile, and it was pretty good, if I do say so myself. To the best of my knowledge, he seemed to be doing everything “right.” I was confident he’d have no trouble getting responses on the site he chose.
I ran into him a few weeks later, and asked him how it was going. To my surprise, it wasn’t going well at all. He apparently hadn’t received even one response.
“Wow, Rob, I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “Would you like me to take a look at your first-contact emails, see if anything jumps out at me?”
He wrinkled his brow. “What do you mean? I haven’t even gotten that far,” he said. “No one’s responded to me when I wink at them.”
And there was the problem. Whether it’s a wink, a poke, or whatever your online dating site chooses to call it, the “nudge” is probably the most useless function in online dating. Simply put, to be successful in dating, you have to be assertive at some point - no one else can make you create a profile, or send an email, or arrange a date.
The wink, however, encourages a passive level of behavior. You’re essentially leaving everything up to your potential match. More to the point, while your nudge may lead them to your profile, it doesn’t add anything to the picture of your personality. In contrast, an email might allow for an extra joke, another question to jump start a conversation, and most importantly, additional insight into your personality.
You simply can’t be passive in dating - in order to maximize your chances for success, you need to really jump in with both feet. Thus, when you’re interested in someone, don’t let a wimpy nudge cause you to miss out on something great. The effort will eventually pay off.
I ran into him a few weeks later, and asked him how it was going. To my surprise, it wasn’t going well at all. He apparently hadn’t received even one response.
“Wow, Rob, I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “Would you like me to take a look at your first-contact emails, see if anything jumps out at me?”
He wrinkled his brow. “What do you mean? I haven’t even gotten that far,” he said. “No one’s responded to me when I wink at them.”
And there was the problem. Whether it’s a wink, a poke, or whatever your online dating site chooses to call it, the “nudge” is probably the most useless function in online dating. Simply put, to be successful in dating, you have to be assertive at some point - no one else can make you create a profile, or send an email, or arrange a date.
The wink, however, encourages a passive level of behavior. You’re essentially leaving everything up to your potential match. More to the point, while your nudge may lead them to your profile, it doesn’t add anything to the picture of your personality. In contrast, an email might allow for an extra joke, another question to jump start a conversation, and most importantly, additional insight into your personality.
You simply can’t be passive in dating - in order to maximize your chances for success, you need to really jump in with both feet. Thus, when you’re interested in someone, don’t let a wimpy nudge cause you to miss out on something great. The effort will eventually pay off.
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