Not the Droid You're Looking For
- Sunday, December 26 2010 @ 08:51 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,526
When we're not dating someone, we have extra time to sit and figure out what it is we do want in a person. Sometimes I think too much time is actually spent thinking about that dream person; suddenly a specific height or profession or interest gets more weight than it deserves, and really becomes a prerequisite. Many points have been made about how we shouldn't have such rigid requirements for a date, but hardly anyone addresses the opposite end of the spectrum: what do you do when you actually find someone who meets all your requirements – and you're not sure it's what you really wanted, after all?
It can be an uncomfortable situation, because it means that somehow, you are wrong, and no one likes to admit that. If you really feel you're not compatible with your magic unicorn, then you were wrong when you decided this was the sort of person you wanted (nay, needed). If you were right in your initial assessment of your needs, then you might be wrong in thinking that maybe your unicorn is not a good match after all; you could be throwing away your perfect match.
Note, of course, that this decision would not be nearly as problematic if you hadn't built up the idea of a “perfect match” in the first place; many people decide, with ease, whether they had chemistry with a date or not. It's when the person seems so perfect, and we have a very specific idea of what perfection is, that we have such difficulty. But we're human beings, and we've all built up something in our minds before, so once you're in this situation, what do you do?
Well, before you decide that all your time spent thinking about your needs was for naught, consider the here and now. Are you just having commitment issues? Are you intimidated by the idea that you might have actually found a person worth pursuing? Are you simply afraid of rejection?
If you honestly feel that it's not a personal issue, feel free to move on – and don't guilt yourself about it. Remember, a person is not just a list of their likes and dislikes; there's such a thing as chemistry. Just because this one person fit your requirements does not mean that they're the only one who ever will, or that you won't find love with someone a little outside your box. Knowing what you want is a good basic place to start, but it's always best to allow yourself a little wiggle room.
It can be hard to let go of something we think we need, but consider: would you rather spend time trying to make something work because you think you should, or find the person with whom it's not work at all?
It can be an uncomfortable situation, because it means that somehow, you are wrong, and no one likes to admit that. If you really feel you're not compatible with your magic unicorn, then you were wrong when you decided this was the sort of person you wanted (nay, needed). If you were right in your initial assessment of your needs, then you might be wrong in thinking that maybe your unicorn is not a good match after all; you could be throwing away your perfect match.
Note, of course, that this decision would not be nearly as problematic if you hadn't built up the idea of a “perfect match” in the first place; many people decide, with ease, whether they had chemistry with a date or not. It's when the person seems so perfect, and we have a very specific idea of what perfection is, that we have such difficulty. But we're human beings, and we've all built up something in our minds before, so once you're in this situation, what do you do?
Well, before you decide that all your time spent thinking about your needs was for naught, consider the here and now. Are you just having commitment issues? Are you intimidated by the idea that you might have actually found a person worth pursuing? Are you simply afraid of rejection?
If you honestly feel that it's not a personal issue, feel free to move on – and don't guilt yourself about it. Remember, a person is not just a list of their likes and dislikes; there's such a thing as chemistry. Just because this one person fit your requirements does not mean that they're the only one who ever will, or that you won't find love with someone a little outside your box. Knowing what you want is a good basic place to start, but it's always best to allow yourself a little wiggle room.
It can be hard to let go of something we think we need, but consider: would you rather spend time trying to make something work because you think you should, or find the person with whom it's not work at all?
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