Not Getting Asked Out? Change Your Approach.

Do you find yourself going out to bars and parties but not getting asked out? Do you sit and wait for men to approach, or do you think because you're no longer 22 or 110 pounds that most men won't find you attractive anyway?

It's time to take control by making yourself more approachable. I don't mean changing your physical appearance - I mean changing your method. It's not as daunting as you think, but it does take some conscious effort and practice if you're going to break your old habits to make way for a new gameplan.

First, attraction between two people starts with something intangible - energy. Sure, if you are a supermodel you might not have much of a problem, but if you're like the majority of women, then you have to put forth some energy to attract people to you. Here's what I mean:

Make eye contact. If you want to be asked out, it's no time to be shy. Instead of averting your eyes when you see a man looking at you, catch his eye and smile. Eye contact is essential - it's the only way a guy knows if you want him to approach. Also, don't look at him blankly - smile so he gets the hint.

Position yourself well. Don't sit in the middle of a cluster of women. Most guys are terrified to approach a group of friends just to talk to one person, so try going out with just one friend or on your own so you are easier to approach. If you are in a group, sit at the end of the table so it's easier for men to approach you.

Don't be shy. This is the time to practice your flirting skills. Don't be embarrassed or think that you're not good at it. There are plenty of ways to let him know you're interested without asking him for his number. Smile and engage with him. Lightly touch his arm. Make a joke or laugh at his. If you're not comfortable, practice, practice, practice.

Be confident. Nothing attracts men and women to each other more than confidence. We like to think a potential partner is strong enough to be comfortable in his own skin, so own what makes you unique! And if you're still feeling terrified at the thought of really putting yourself out there, fake it. The only way to meet people is to do exactly that---meet people.

Keep an open mind. While you might be looking for the perfect guy, there's no reason to avoid the ones who aren't your physical ideal. It's good to date a variety of people, because you never know who might be the best one for you. (Often it isn't the person we idealize in our heads.) Talk to more people, even the ones you don't find so attractive. They will be practice for those times when you see someone who makes your heart flutter.