No Set Pace

Once a man complained to me about the “slowness” of the online dating scene. “First you email for who knows how long, and then you talk on the phone for forever, and then you finally meet in person, but you’re held at arm’s length for weeks after that,” he said. “How am I supposed to tell if there’s any chemistry when I feel like I’ve had to endure a five-step application process?”

Many might be able to empathize with his plight; on the other hand, someone said this to me the other day: “I always thought online dating was for finding true love or something. I didn’t realize people also used it for hookups. I saw more profiles for people looking for something different, like a one-night stand, than I did for someone looking for a traditional date!”

It just goes to show that everyone’s dating experience is different, based on their area and perhaps what they’re searching for. And, lest we forget, everyone has their own comfort zone and pace, as well. For some, online dating is the perfect way to “dip their toe in the dating pool” after a hard ending to their last relationship, and they prefer to take things slowly. Some begin over-worried about their personal safety and online dating in particular, but learn to listen to their personal alert system after a time, and relax. Still others try to move into the “dating in person” phase as quickly as possible, because that’s where they excel. There are no hard “rules” when it comes to online dating, any more than there are for dating in general.

However, if you’re consistently feeling impatient or rushed, it might be time to evaluate what you’re looking for, and whether you’re looking in the right places. If it feels like you’re truly out of step with most people, that’s not a bad thing, but it might help to clearly state that in your profile. For example, if you’re looking to move slowly, or if you’re specifically not looking for something long-term, there’s nothing wrong with saying that straightaway. Doing custom searches for something similar can’t hurt, either.

Remember, a couple who is honest and communicative will find their own pace and their own rhythm. Not everything will always go to plan, but if you’re open and honest about your intentions at the outset, it will be that much easier to work together and modify the game plan later if need be. So as you begin your online dating adventure, don’t think you have to conform to a set of rules; just be confident and honest about your own set.