New Stress, Old Insecurities
- Monday, August 06 2012 @ 10:51 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,041
So, you’re an adult now. Maybe you’re happy with your job, or you’ve got more than your share of friends. Maybe the very act of joining an online dating site was a declaration, that you would take charge of your own destiny and not wait for love to come calling. You’re more mature, more confident, more secure than you were back in junior high.
Why, then, do you find old demons rising when you meet someone new or go on dates? Anxiety is rearing its head. Your confidence is faltering. You’re finding yourself asking what the other person thinks before giving your own opinion. You conquered these issues years ago! What is happening?
As adults, we naturally have more control over our day-to-day lives. Maybe it’s that we’ve had the same job for years, or maybe it’s that we’ve lived in the same town, with the same social circle, for decades. Compare that to the life of a teen, where you’re old enough to know you want independence but have virtually no power over your routines, life-altering decisions - practically your life. You’re forced to be in new and different classes every year, and change schools every few years. With the sands constantly shifting beneath them, it’s no wonder teens can be surly and full of angst.
Entering the dating world after a long absence can be stressful, whether it’s the good or bad kind. It’s a change in your routine. You’re meeting new people, having new experiences. If you’re entering into a relationship, you’re having to think of the needs of a new person, while balancing your own independent identity. Yes, it can be thrilling and fun, but with your comfort level challenged, it’s also normal for you to momentarily lose your footing, let insecurity overtake you, and be forced to re-learn a few lessons about yourself.
There’s good news, though: the effect is only temporary. Once you allow yourself to acclimate to the dating pool, as it were, you’ll get used to the new level of challenges and rise to meet it. It might happen so subtly you don’t even notice it. The things about dating that once seemed so daunting will now be the new normal, and not difficult at all.
So as you step foot into the world of dating, don’t panic if you find yourself, well, panicking. Yes, it’s something new. Yes, it can stir up old insecurities. But at the same time, you could meet new friends, new loves. It’s a tradeoff worth making - especially since the negative effects will fade away.
Why, then, do you find old demons rising when you meet someone new or go on dates? Anxiety is rearing its head. Your confidence is faltering. You’re finding yourself asking what the other person thinks before giving your own opinion. You conquered these issues years ago! What is happening?
As adults, we naturally have more control over our day-to-day lives. Maybe it’s that we’ve had the same job for years, or maybe it’s that we’ve lived in the same town, with the same social circle, for decades. Compare that to the life of a teen, where you’re old enough to know you want independence but have virtually no power over your routines, life-altering decisions - practically your life. You’re forced to be in new and different classes every year, and change schools every few years. With the sands constantly shifting beneath them, it’s no wonder teens can be surly and full of angst.
Entering the dating world after a long absence can be stressful, whether it’s the good or bad kind. It’s a change in your routine. You’re meeting new people, having new experiences. If you’re entering into a relationship, you’re having to think of the needs of a new person, while balancing your own independent identity. Yes, it can be thrilling and fun, but with your comfort level challenged, it’s also normal for you to momentarily lose your footing, let insecurity overtake you, and be forced to re-learn a few lessons about yourself.
There’s good news, though: the effect is only temporary. Once you allow yourself to acclimate to the dating pool, as it were, you’ll get used to the new level of challenges and rise to meet it. It might happen so subtly you don’t even notice it. The things about dating that once seemed so daunting will now be the new normal, and not difficult at all.
So as you step foot into the world of dating, don’t panic if you find yourself, well, panicking. Yes, it’s something new. Yes, it can stir up old insecurities. But at the same time, you could meet new friends, new loves. It’s a tradeoff worth making - especially since the negative effects will fade away.
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