Moving At Your Own Pace
- Wednesday, December 07 2011 @ 10:02 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,629
A friend of mine, Carolyn, was shocked when her divorced mother remarried less than a year after meeting her new husband. “How much does she even really know about him?” she railed. “No one should be getting married less than a year after meeting someone!”
Well, that was many years ago, when Carolyn was barely a teenager. Now, over a decade later, she admits that her mother made a sound decision. “I guess she had enough experience to recognize a good one,” she said.
Indeed, the further one gets into adulthood, the seemingly shorter the pre-relationship stages seem to get before long-term commitment is discussed. The reasons for this vary. For some, like Carolyn’s mother, it might well be that they can identify “good ones” more easily; their experience plays a large role. For those who have been in long-term relationships before, another one might not seem particularly daunting, so there might be less hesitation before making a commitment.
Another factor, perhaps even more important, is that the older you are, the better you might know yourself and your own priorities. It might be less an issue of “finding a good one” and more of “finding the right one for you.” Not knowing what you really want can be a very effective block to a good relationship; once that block is removed, you’re ready to approach a relationship with honesty - to your partner and yourself.
Of course, not everyone is ready to dive into a new committed relationship quickly, particularly if the last one ended badly or in tragedy. Everyone has their own schedule when it comes to making big decisions comfortably, so it’s important to not give into pressure from others, or yourself, if you’re not ready.
In fact, it might be good to bear in mind the lesson that Carolyn learned, all those years ago: that no relationship has a standard timetable. Everyone is different, and the success or failure of a relationship is not necessarily tied to the length of time spent together first.
Well, that was many years ago, when Carolyn was barely a teenager. Now, over a decade later, she admits that her mother made a sound decision. “I guess she had enough experience to recognize a good one,” she said.
Indeed, the further one gets into adulthood, the seemingly shorter the pre-relationship stages seem to get before long-term commitment is discussed. The reasons for this vary. For some, like Carolyn’s mother, it might well be that they can identify “good ones” more easily; their experience plays a large role. For those who have been in long-term relationships before, another one might not seem particularly daunting, so there might be less hesitation before making a commitment.
Another factor, perhaps even more important, is that the older you are, the better you might know yourself and your own priorities. It might be less an issue of “finding a good one” and more of “finding the right one for you.” Not knowing what you really want can be a very effective block to a good relationship; once that block is removed, you’re ready to approach a relationship with honesty - to your partner and yourself.
Of course, not everyone is ready to dive into a new committed relationship quickly, particularly if the last one ended badly or in tragedy. Everyone has their own schedule when it comes to making big decisions comfortably, so it’s important to not give into pressure from others, or yourself, if you’re not ready.
In fact, it might be good to bear in mind the lesson that Carolyn learned, all those years ago: that no relationship has a standard timetable. Everyone is different, and the success or failure of a relationship is not necessarily tied to the length of time spent together first.
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