Meeting v. Finding
- Friday, August 31 2012 @ 09:05 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,153
When it comes to online dating, it is entirely possible to put too much emphasis on the “online” aspect. Now, you might be scratching your head, wondering, “What do you mean? Isn’t finding someone through the internet the entire point?”
Not exactly. You do not use the internet to find someone, in the sense that you’re finding love; you use it to meet someone. Or perhaps you could say you use it find someone to meet. Hmm, let’s try to clarify that.
Yes, the internet is incredibly useful when you want to find someone who seems interesting and might have quite a bit in common with you. You can take your time, and no one’s feelings are hurt if you make an instant judgment. It doesn’t matter if you feel like searching at two in the morning or two in the afternoon; the same pool of available people exists. You can eliminate anyone who has glaring issues or the red flags of creepiness. And you can find the handful of other people in your city who have the same hobby or favorite TV show.
But that’s not all that’s required, and you’ve probably already experienced this first-hand. Think about social networks. Have you ever added someone you knew only vaguely from high school or college and discovered that you had much more in common than you realized? Maybe you even thought, “Man, we should have been best friends this entire time!” and met up for a drink. And maybe you really were destined to be friends this entire time, and only the machinations of high school politics kept you apart.
...Or maybe, when you met in person, you remembered why you never clicked in the first place: something about this person just rubs you the wrong way. Yes, you have almost everything in the world in common, but the chemistry just isn’t there.
Similarly, I’m sure you’ve met someone and bonded over the tiniest thing. Making friends isn’t that dissimilar from starting a relationship, except that the physical attraction factor makes chemistry a little more complicated.
So as you peruse profiles, remember that you’re not trying to fall in love with one of them. Rather, it’s similar to seeing someone across a room, or within the context of work or school - you’ve got a reasonably good idea that this is someone you’d like to meet. One more benefit of online dating is that you have time to think through your introductory email and profile, so you’ve got a good shot at the best possible first impression. But remember, the goal is just to meet. Once you’re in person, chemistry and conversation will determine whether you’ve been found.
Not exactly. You do not use the internet to find someone, in the sense that you’re finding love; you use it to meet someone. Or perhaps you could say you use it find someone to meet. Hmm, let’s try to clarify that.
Yes, the internet is incredibly useful when you want to find someone who seems interesting and might have quite a bit in common with you. You can take your time, and no one’s feelings are hurt if you make an instant judgment. It doesn’t matter if you feel like searching at two in the morning or two in the afternoon; the same pool of available people exists. You can eliminate anyone who has glaring issues or the red flags of creepiness. And you can find the handful of other people in your city who have the same hobby or favorite TV show.
But that’s not all that’s required, and you’ve probably already experienced this first-hand. Think about social networks. Have you ever added someone you knew only vaguely from high school or college and discovered that you had much more in common than you realized? Maybe you even thought, “Man, we should have been best friends this entire time!” and met up for a drink. And maybe you really were destined to be friends this entire time, and only the machinations of high school politics kept you apart.
...Or maybe, when you met in person, you remembered why you never clicked in the first place: something about this person just rubs you the wrong way. Yes, you have almost everything in the world in common, but the chemistry just isn’t there.
Similarly, I’m sure you’ve met someone and bonded over the tiniest thing. Making friends isn’t that dissimilar from starting a relationship, except that the physical attraction factor makes chemistry a little more complicated.
So as you peruse profiles, remember that you’re not trying to fall in love with one of them. Rather, it’s similar to seeing someone across a room, or within the context of work or school - you’ve got a reasonably good idea that this is someone you’d like to meet. One more benefit of online dating is that you have time to think through your introductory email and profile, so you’ve got a good shot at the best possible first impression. But remember, the goal is just to meet. Once you’re in person, chemistry and conversation will determine whether you’ve been found.
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