Measuring Success in Dating
- Sunday, March 10 2013 @ 04:01 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,161
Abby was getting discouraged with online dating. Well, to put it more accurately, she was getting discouraged with dating in general. She felt pretty confident about the online aspect; she got a fair amount of emails, both sent to her “cold” or in response to ones that she sent first. She’d been on several first dates, and so far hadn’t had any negative surprises. But they never seemed to progress past that first-date stage.
When asked, Abby admitted that she’s not just pining away by the phone; she didn’t feel a spark, either. “So,” “I reasoned, “You aren’t going on multiple dates with people you’re not interested in and who aren’t interested in you. And that’s... a bad thing?”
Abby laughed. “Well, when you put it that way...” she said. “I guess it just feels like I should be measuring my progress by the length of the relationship. I want a long-term, forever-relationship. I feel like maybe I should try to go for longer than two dates if I’m trying to go for the marathon, you know?”
I shook my head. “Even if you date someone for a few months, if you’re not feeling it, it’ll end eventually. And then you’ll be right back at that first-date stage. Isn’t it better to spend that few months going on dates with people who actually have the potential to be that marathon relationship?”
Ultimately, Abby has to shrug off her preconceived notions about what dating and success should “look” like and concentrate on actually finding a partner she clicks with. Now, that’s not to say she’s done everything perfectly; perhaps she needs to evaluate why she’s not clicking with anyone. Is she searching out the right kind of guys? Is she looking for some measure of perfection that doesn’t exist?
But these are separate, internal questions that she can deal with on her own time. If she’s comfortable and honest with the answers, it’s entirely possible that she just hasn’t found a truly compatible person yet. In the meantime, she need not despair: choosing not to waste her time, and her date’s, by pursuing an incompatible relationship is perhaps the farthest thing from failure.
When asked, Abby admitted that she’s not just pining away by the phone; she didn’t feel a spark, either. “So,” “I reasoned, “You aren’t going on multiple dates with people you’re not interested in and who aren’t interested in you. And that’s... a bad thing?”
Abby laughed. “Well, when you put it that way...” she said. “I guess it just feels like I should be measuring my progress by the length of the relationship. I want a long-term, forever-relationship. I feel like maybe I should try to go for longer than two dates if I’m trying to go for the marathon, you know?”
I shook my head. “Even if you date someone for a few months, if you’re not feeling it, it’ll end eventually. And then you’ll be right back at that first-date stage. Isn’t it better to spend that few months going on dates with people who actually have the potential to be that marathon relationship?”
Ultimately, Abby has to shrug off her preconceived notions about what dating and success should “look” like and concentrate on actually finding a partner she clicks with. Now, that’s not to say she’s done everything perfectly; perhaps she needs to evaluate why she’s not clicking with anyone. Is she searching out the right kind of guys? Is she looking for some measure of perfection that doesn’t exist?
But these are separate, internal questions that she can deal with on her own time. If she’s comfortable and honest with the answers, it’s entirely possible that she just hasn’t found a truly compatible person yet. In the meantime, she need not despair: choosing not to waste her time, and her date’s, by pursuing an incompatible relationship is perhaps the farthest thing from failure.
Subscribe
