Making Safety a Habit

Every so often a story will pop up in the news that leads to renewed concern about the safety of online dating. Recently, several online dating sites have vowed to make dating “safer” for their members, discussing measures such as background checks. Such measures are certainly admirable and appreciated, but the fact remains that online dating is not really any less safe than any other kind of dating. Would you expect a background check from someone you met at a bar, or the gym? With a little bit of practicality and common sense, you can maximize your safety, no matter how you met your date.

First and foremost, until you feel comfortable in person you should always arrive at the date yourself, whether you drive yourself or take public transport separately. Yes, you might miss out on the romance of being “walked to your door” on that first date, but there’s no sense putting yourself in a vulnerable situation before you’ve had time to assess in person. Note that while getting to know someone through email helps with general compatibility assessment and pre-date jitters, it shouldn’t really be used to assess your safety; there are some “gut” reactions that just work better in person.

Stick to public and populated locations for your first few dates. If you’re particularly nervous about your safety, have someone keep an eye on you - make friends with the barista or have a real-life friend nearby, or call to check in. Leave the information you have about your date, as well as your plans, with someone before you go out. Quiet walks through the park at night, or trips to a drive-in movie, can wait ‘til later.

Don’t be afraid to put your sleuthing cap on when it comes to safety. Using a search engine or social network isn’t creepy if your sole goal is to ascertain that your date is legit. Additionally, when you’re excited about a new date it can be tempting to throw on the blinders when things don’t match up; don’t be afraid to use critical thinking and ask questions. You don’t have to be paranoid, but you don’t have to shut off your brain, either.

Ultimately, dating, whether online or through more conventional means, is no more or less dangerous than any other interaction we have every day - provided we use good judgment and attempt to avoid obviously sketchy situations. It might seem a little overboard to keep safety at the front of you mind - and it might even be unnecessary - but good habits will allow you to relax on the night of your date, and focus on what’s important: your compatibility.