Should You Make the Next Move in a Relationship?
- Thursday, October 04 2012 @ 10:32 am
- Contributed by: kellyseal
- Views: 1,120
Dating is filled with ambiguity. Many daters take a casual approach so they don’t come across so strong when first getting to know someone. This is a good idea – not only to prevent you from scaring your dates away, but also because you want to get to know the other person before you can decide what you need and want from them.
The problem is that many daters are hard to read. For instance, you go out with a man for a few weeks – there is attraction between you, and both of you seem to have a good time. He compliments you and says he enjoys being with you. However, he doesn’t call you much to go out, or leaves it until the last minute. You find yourself waiting around for him to make his next move to try and figure out where it’s going.
While I’d like to say this is unusual, it’s becoming more of the norm. People aren’t sold on committing to much of anything these days – especially to a date. It’s easier to keep things loose and see how the relationship progresses. If you’ve been dating for a few weeks, than this kind of behavior is pretty standard, but if you’re three months into it and you want to move forward, you have a right to ask for what you want.
While it might seem scary to take that risk and have an honest conversation about what you want, it’s important. You don’t want to feel misunderstood or taken advantage of, but you also don’t want to come across as needy or pushy. So how do you approach it?
First, it’s a good idea to be aware of what you want as you progress in the relationship – it might not be the same in two months as it is now. At first, maybe you wanted to keep things loose but as you continue to date you realize you’d like to be exclusive. Or maybe you’re not sure if this person is right for you, and you need a little more time to see before committing. It’s okay to change your mind, as long as you aren’t misleading anyone.
It’s also important to keep in touch with your feelings and be true to yourself. If you don’t, and you base your decisions on what you think the other person wants, you are doing the relationship a disservice. You are putting your own needs second to someone else’s, which isn’t a good place to start – and besides, you’re assuming (maybe incorrectly) that you already know what they want.
Finally, it’s good to pay attention to the actions and behaviors of your love interest, not just his words. For instance, if he tells you you’re beautiful and he enjoys spending time with you, but then only calls you late at night to come over to his place, likely he isn’t thinking of your relationship seriously.
Putting all of these components together will help you decide whether or not the relationship is progressing in the way you’d like and if you’re both feeling the same way. It will also help you know when to have that more serious conversation – to define your relationship and decide whether or not you want to move forward.
The problem is that many daters are hard to read. For instance, you go out with a man for a few weeks – there is attraction between you, and both of you seem to have a good time. He compliments you and says he enjoys being with you. However, he doesn’t call you much to go out, or leaves it until the last minute. You find yourself waiting around for him to make his next move to try and figure out where it’s going.
While I’d like to say this is unusual, it’s becoming more of the norm. People aren’t sold on committing to much of anything these days – especially to a date. It’s easier to keep things loose and see how the relationship progresses. If you’ve been dating for a few weeks, than this kind of behavior is pretty standard, but if you’re three months into it and you want to move forward, you have a right to ask for what you want.
While it might seem scary to take that risk and have an honest conversation about what you want, it’s important. You don’t want to feel misunderstood or taken advantage of, but you also don’t want to come across as needy or pushy. So how do you approach it?
First, it’s a good idea to be aware of what you want as you progress in the relationship – it might not be the same in two months as it is now. At first, maybe you wanted to keep things loose but as you continue to date you realize you’d like to be exclusive. Or maybe you’re not sure if this person is right for you, and you need a little more time to see before committing. It’s okay to change your mind, as long as you aren’t misleading anyone.
It’s also important to keep in touch with your feelings and be true to yourself. If you don’t, and you base your decisions on what you think the other person wants, you are doing the relationship a disservice. You are putting your own needs second to someone else’s, which isn’t a good place to start – and besides, you’re assuming (maybe incorrectly) that you already know what they want.
Finally, it’s good to pay attention to the actions and behaviors of your love interest, not just his words. For instance, if he tells you you’re beautiful and he enjoys spending time with you, but then only calls you late at night to come over to his place, likely he isn’t thinking of your relationship seriously.
Putting all of these components together will help you decide whether or not the relationship is progressing in the way you’d like and if you’re both feeling the same way. It will also help you know when to have that more serious conversation – to define your relationship and decide whether or not you want to move forward.
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