Letting Go of your "Lists"
- Thursday, March 24 2011 @ 09:06 am
- Contributed by: kellyseal
- Views: 1,699
Many of us think we have an open mind when it comes to dating. But then, as we meet more and more people, it’s easier to reject our prospective loves. We think that the perfect person is out there if we’re patient and persistent enough, so what’s the point in getting to know someone who doesn’t meet all of our requirements in a partner?
We hold fast to our “lists”; that is, the list of requirements each of us makes with qualities that any partner of ours must possess. Whether it’s being a Red Sox fan or having brown eyes, we all have our preferences, and nothing less will do when it comes to picturing our ideal Mr. or Miss Right.
While I’m all for holding out until you meet “the one” (you don’t want to be miserable in a partnership after all!), I think that we adhere too much to our “lists” when it comes to filtering our dates from the “maybe” to the “no” pile. Instead of considering someone on the basis of what you think is most important to you in a relationship, (like financial success or a love of poetry), consider how you want to feel in a relationship. Superficial preferences should not be deal-breakers. They don’t determine how someone will treat you in the long-term, or how you communicate with each other in a relationship. Sure, it’s nice to connect with people who share the same interests or career goals, but this doesn’t mean they hold the key to your happiness.
Instead, think about how you like to feel in a relationship. Do you want to feel loved, respected, heard? Do you want to feel free to be yourself? These are the kind of qualities that last in the long-term. Money may come and go. You can discuss poetry with friends who share the same passion. You don’t have to get everything from one relationship. But your most important relationship should allow you to be the person you really are, and should leave you feeling supported and inspired.
So the next time you’re out on a date and discount a man because he doesn’t own his own business, or shun a girl because she doesn’t have the “look” that draws you, consider a second date. Give the person a true chance before deciding to move on. If things haven’t been working for you so far, it’s worth trying something new.
What have you got to lose?
We hold fast to our “lists”; that is, the list of requirements each of us makes with qualities that any partner of ours must possess. Whether it’s being a Red Sox fan or having brown eyes, we all have our preferences, and nothing less will do when it comes to picturing our ideal Mr. or Miss Right.
While I’m all for holding out until you meet “the one” (you don’t want to be miserable in a partnership after all!), I think that we adhere too much to our “lists” when it comes to filtering our dates from the “maybe” to the “no” pile. Instead of considering someone on the basis of what you think is most important to you in a relationship, (like financial success or a love of poetry), consider how you want to feel in a relationship. Superficial preferences should not be deal-breakers. They don’t determine how someone will treat you in the long-term, or how you communicate with each other in a relationship. Sure, it’s nice to connect with people who share the same interests or career goals, but this doesn’t mean they hold the key to your happiness.
Instead, think about how you like to feel in a relationship. Do you want to feel loved, respected, heard? Do you want to feel free to be yourself? These are the kind of qualities that last in the long-term. Money may come and go. You can discuss poetry with friends who share the same passion. You don’t have to get everything from one relationship. But your most important relationship should allow you to be the person you really are, and should leave you feeling supported and inspired.
So the next time you’re out on a date and discount a man because he doesn’t own his own business, or shun a girl because she doesn’t have the “look” that draws you, consider a second date. Give the person a true chance before deciding to move on. If things haven’t been working for you so far, it’s worth trying something new.
What have you got to lose?
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