Lessons from the Sandbox
- Sunday, November 14 2010 @ 08:38 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,239
Even if it happened all the way back in kindergarten, chances are most of us have had a friendship that began solely because someone was bold enough to come up to us and ask directly: “Want to be friends?”
It might be easy, now, to look back at that time and think, “Ah, for things to be that simple once again. If only someone would come up to me right now and ask me for a date – but things are more complicated in the world of adults.”
However, on many levels it really is that simple. In any relationship, be it friendship or something more romantic, someone usually has to get the ball rolling – start that first conversation, send that first email, ask for that first drink outside of work or school or the grocery store. And maybe we'll luck out and the person best suited for us is still the bold one, so we won't have to step outside our comfort zone. But maybe the most compatible person for you isn't the sort of person who marches up and asks to be friends. And maybe you aren't either. What to do?
The answer, simply, is this: you might have to step up to the plate and do something that's hard for you. Maybe you'd like to wait for your dream person to email you first. Well, that might work – or maybe you'll have to find them. Maybe it means emailing lots of people, because you might not be able to identify your dream person on sight. It can be hard. But maybe it's even harder for them.
I've come to have such admiration for the little kids who boldly find their new friends on their own. Does it simply not bother them, or do they have more courage than the rest of us? Later in school it was easier to have relationships form organically; you might sit in class with someone for days and get a feel for who they are before you ever have a conversation. I've always been a fan of that (perhaps sneakier) approach.
Once we move into the adult world, however, it seems we revert right back to the sandbox full of unknown children. We don't see compatible people every day at work; single people in a neighborhood don't naturally seek each other out the way kids on a block might. The adult world doesn't naturally foster relationships, so perhaps we should, on some level, revert back to sandbox behavior. So are you going to wait for someone to come up and ask to be friends, or are you going to seek them out yourself?
It might be easy, now, to look back at that time and think, “Ah, for things to be that simple once again. If only someone would come up to me right now and ask me for a date – but things are more complicated in the world of adults.”
However, on many levels it really is that simple. In any relationship, be it friendship or something more romantic, someone usually has to get the ball rolling – start that first conversation, send that first email, ask for that first drink outside of work or school or the grocery store. And maybe we'll luck out and the person best suited for us is still the bold one, so we won't have to step outside our comfort zone. But maybe the most compatible person for you isn't the sort of person who marches up and asks to be friends. And maybe you aren't either. What to do?
The answer, simply, is this: you might have to step up to the plate and do something that's hard for you. Maybe you'd like to wait for your dream person to email you first. Well, that might work – or maybe you'll have to find them. Maybe it means emailing lots of people, because you might not be able to identify your dream person on sight. It can be hard. But maybe it's even harder for them.
I've come to have such admiration for the little kids who boldly find their new friends on their own. Does it simply not bother them, or do they have more courage than the rest of us? Later in school it was easier to have relationships form organically; you might sit in class with someone for days and get a feel for who they are before you ever have a conversation. I've always been a fan of that (perhaps sneakier) approach.
Once we move into the adult world, however, it seems we revert right back to the sandbox full of unknown children. We don't see compatible people every day at work; single people in a neighborhood don't naturally seek each other out the way kids on a block might. The adult world doesn't naturally foster relationships, so perhaps we should, on some level, revert back to sandbox behavior. So are you going to wait for someone to come up and ask to be friends, or are you going to seek them out yourself?
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