Keeping the Ex out of your Dating Life

The scenario: You're on a date, and the man sitting across from you says or does something that reminds you of your ex boyfriend. Maybe he chews his food in a similar manner, or maybe he's a fan of the Red Sox, too. Whatever the case, it's enough to make you start complaining about all the things that your ex did to you, how wrong he was for you, and how you never want to date anyone like that again.

You can imagine why this date never called you back, can't you?

Sometimes it's hard to resist venting about past loves, especially in an intimate setting like a date. If you two are getting along pretty well and sharing a few secrets, it might feel natural to confide in some nasty missives about your ex. But this isn't a good way to date. Who wants to be your sounding board?

If you find yourself unable to control the urge to vent, then consider taking these few steps to set yourself on a healthier dating path:

Ask: Have you truly gotten over your ex? If you find yourself checking his Facebook page or harboring feelings for him still, then you might not have given yourself time to heal.

Answer: Allow yourself to take a break from dating so that you're not just looking for rebound relationships. Reach out to friends for support, immerse yourself in activities you love, and focus on healing yourself. You have to let go for new love to come into your life.

Ask: Are you afraid of a new relationship? Sometimes we'll push opportunities away if we're afraid to move forward. If your ex cheated on you or betrayed you somehow, you might find it harder to be vulnerable again.

Answer: It's important to examine the reasons for our fears so we can move past them. Be honest with yourself - are you afraid you're not going to choose well, or that another man will do the same thing? Don't be afraid of asking for help or support. A good counselor or minister will help you navigate through your emotions to make healthier choices.

Are you playing the victim? Maybe your ex did a lot of things wrong, but living in a state of anger and blame isn't going to serve your needs.

Answer: Instead of dwelling on all of his mistakes, start owning up to your own life, what you want, and how you might do things differently next time. The sooner you let go of being the victim, the happier and healthier your relationships will be going forward.