Is He Treating You Well?

Scenario: You've been dating a man for a month, and find yourself very attracted to him. When you're together, you have fun and he makes you feel like a million bucks. However, sometimes he'll criticize you or lash out at you for no reason. You rack your brain trying to think of what you did to set him off. You want to change for him, to be "better." Maybe he tells you you're not good enough. Maybe this has been a pattern in your relationships.

Because October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, I want to point out an often overlooked aspect of dating - emotional manipulation and abuse. While this isn't physical abuse, it can be very damaging to women. Some men emotionally manipulate women to control them, and often the women involved don't realize it until they are already in love and vulnerable to how their men view them. These women can feel worthless and unlovable unless they receive approval, causing the relationship to bounce between wonderful and terrible. If you find yourself getting into an emotionally unstable relationship, ask yourself the following:

Does he treat you with respect? If you find yourself humiliated or criticized more often than loved and respected, you may want to reconsider your relationship. A true boyfriend is concerned about your happiness as well as his own.

Does he seem insecure around you? Some men are intimidated by strong or successful women, and will try to manipulate them to gain power. If he never seems happy for your accomplishments, ask yourself (and him) why. If he respects and cares for you, he will be proud of you, and happy about what you do.

Is he very critical? Sure, we all make mistakes and we all have a lot to learn when it comes to love and relationships. There is room to grow and do better. But does he seem to point out your faults at every turn, and blame you for every problem in the relationship? If he seems to find fault with you and never admits his own shortcomings, this is a red flag.

Are you afraid to talk openly with him? If you walk on eggshells around him, afraid to express your feelings or thoughts, then ask yourself how this relationship is benefitting you. If you can't be open and vulnerable with your romantic love interest, then you can't have a real relationship. It's impossible to love and be loved without making yourself vulnerable. If you don't feel safe enough to do this with him, then that is a giant red flag telling you he's not the one.