How to Finally Let Go of your Ex

Have you Googled your ex in the past few weeks, or peeked at his Facebook page to see what's going on in his life? If so, you're not alone. But it's difficult to move on to a great new relationship when you're still holding on to the past.

So what can you do to change things? It's easy to think that you've moved past your attraction. It's also easy to think you've moved on from hurt feelings and anger, but have you really? It's not so easy for most of us. And if you spend too much time thinking about your ex - either positively or negatively - you're preventing yourself from finding love again.

A study was conducted recently by YourTango where they asked over 1,000 readers about their exes - the good, bad and even worse behavior - and found the majority of them still can't get over their exes. 74% of women and 64% of men say they think about their ex too much, and even more have looked them up online (59% say they keep them as friends on Facebook).

It gets worse. Eighty-six percent admitted to looking at old photos of their exes. One third of respondents have had sex with their exes. There's not much assurance that you've really let go when you're willing to get physical again.

So what does this mean? It's time to take a hard look at your love life and where you want to go in the future. If you're stuck in the past, how much chemistry are you going to feel for anyone who isn't your ex? Or if you're holding a grudge, how can you open your heart enough to let in someone new? Is this the love life that you truly desire - to be stuck?

I think the first step in letting go of any past relationship is forgiveness. First, forgiving yourself and then your ex. When you forgive yourself for any behavior you see as naïve or foolish, you're on your way to real, lasting love. We all learn by getting our hearts broken. If you didn't see things as clearly as you should have, recognize that you are moving forward.

If your ex hurt you, realize that your anger towards him/her will continue to hurt you if you keep holding on to it. Letting go of that anger and bitterness is the greatest, most self-indulgent thing you can do, because you're allowing yourself to break those ties to your ex and open yourself to future long-term happiness. It's not a favor to your ex, but to yourself. Forgive.

If you're fantasizing about your ex because you're now single and lonely, put that in perspective. Was he really that great? What led you to break up in the first place? Was there a point when things didn't seem so great to you, but you stayed with him/her anyway because you were afraid of being alone? Understanding your true feelings can help you move on.