How You Might Hold Yourself Back
- Tuesday, October 25 2011 @ 09:05 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,321
A lot of people I know who use online dating got started because they weren’t so sure they wanted to get back into dating at all. Maybe they just got out of a long-term relationship; maybe they were burned years ago and it’s changed their views completely. Whatever the reason, online dating provides a way to stick your toe back into the dating pool without having to plunge headfirst. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with baby steps, there are a few issues with this method, and it’s best to be aware of them.
First of all, when you put minimal effort into online dating, you’ll probably only get minimal results. When you’re not sending first-contact emails, you’re relying solely on luck that anyone will even see your profile, much less email you. If you never bother to do any in-depth searches, you’re only seeing a vague, random sample of who’s in your area - much like going to the mall or a bar. The odds of seeing someone compatible aren’t at their highest. And when you only see minimal results, you’re that much more likely to think that online dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and quit.
The second issue is all about attitude. Our first experiences can shape our perception, and someone who had a bad experience or two with their first serious relationships can form pretty negative opinions about dating and love altogether. It’s not uncommon to see people in the dating world who are waiting for the other shoe to drop, who try to find the negative before it has a chance to side-swipe them. In online dating, these are the people who search for the smallest inconsistency between a profile and the real person, or who put dark jokes about themselves in their own profiles.
They’re doing themselves a real disservice, both in online dating and in love in general. First, chances are they’re probably not putting all the effort in that they could because they feel it’s a waste of time. Secondly, even when they do, people might be turned off by the negativity oozing out of their writing.
So as you sit down to try online dating, do a quick self-check of your motivation and attitude. A bad past experience can sting, to be sure, but the majority of people just want the same things: love and happiness. There’s nothing wrong with easing into it, but just remember: online dating can give you a fresh start. Why not include a fresh perspective to go along with it?
First of all, when you put minimal effort into online dating, you’ll probably only get minimal results. When you’re not sending first-contact emails, you’re relying solely on luck that anyone will even see your profile, much less email you. If you never bother to do any in-depth searches, you’re only seeing a vague, random sample of who’s in your area - much like going to the mall or a bar. The odds of seeing someone compatible aren’t at their highest. And when you only see minimal results, you’re that much more likely to think that online dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and quit.
The second issue is all about attitude. Our first experiences can shape our perception, and someone who had a bad experience or two with their first serious relationships can form pretty negative opinions about dating and love altogether. It’s not uncommon to see people in the dating world who are waiting for the other shoe to drop, who try to find the negative before it has a chance to side-swipe them. In online dating, these are the people who search for the smallest inconsistency between a profile and the real person, or who put dark jokes about themselves in their own profiles.
They’re doing themselves a real disservice, both in online dating and in love in general. First, chances are they’re probably not putting all the effort in that they could because they feel it’s a waste of time. Secondly, even when they do, people might be turned off by the negativity oozing out of their writing.
So as you sit down to try online dating, do a quick self-check of your motivation and attitude. A bad past experience can sting, to be sure, but the majority of people just want the same things: love and happiness. There’s nothing wrong with easing into it, but just remember: online dating can give you a fresh start. Why not include a fresh perspective to go along with it?
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