He Cheated: Can I ever Trust Him Again?

There's no question that building trust is the most important aspect of any relationship. So what do you do when someone breaks your trust by cheating? Do you tell him to leave and refuse to discuss it? Or do you forgive too easily, afraid of being alone?

This is a complex subject, and one that's worth exploring. There are many reasons people cheat, from sheer compulsion to the breakdown of communication in a relationship. They key to moving forward is having an honest conversation. Only when you can discuss your true feelings and what led to the transgression can you understand what to do about your relationship - namely, should you stay or should you go?

Following are some steps to consider taking:

Try couples therapy. If you find that you can't have a conversation with each other without exploding or slinging mud, then a third party can help put you on neutral territory. Remember, getting to the heart of the problem doesn't mean blaming or punishing; it means trying to understand what the other person feels, thinks, and wants so you can see where the relationship went wrong. When you can see things clearly, you can make better decisions - ones that aren't based in anger or fear.

Take some time apart. If the thought of being in the same room with your cheating partner makes your skin crawl, you may want to consider a temporary separation. Emotions can easily get out of control, so if you need space, claim it. Just remember this isn't a time to take revenge by having your own affair. Make a clean break before you get involved with someone else.

Reflect on your relationship. While I don't condone cheating, often there is a reason for it. If you're honest with yourself, you can ask the question: did we communicate well? Did I understand my partner's wants and needs, and did we want the same things? Did we respect each other? Often, one or both of you were unhappy in the relationship already, and the affair provided an escape, or perhaps an excuse to change things. It's healthy to recognize what might have gone wrong, to see if the relationship is salvageable.

See if you can build trust again. Once you've taken the steps to determine whether or not you want to continue in the relationship, it's a good idea to take small steps to build trust between each other if you do decide to stay. Start with the basics - does he call when he says he will? Did he paint the garage like he promised last week? Does he make an effort to prove his love for you? These small steps go a long way towards building the relationship mutually respectful grounds.