Grace Under Pressure
- Thursday, February 03 2011 @ 09:19 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,507
When we’re about to meet someone new, we do all we can to make sure the first impression we receive is an accurate one. We send emails backs and forth, and scour them for red flags; we try to “listen to our gut,” we try to have a meaningful first conversation without appearing too strange or overzealous ourselves. We want to absorb as much information out of that first meeting as we can.
However, sometimes, despite our best efforts, it’s simply impossible to get the whole picture. Because, simply, a first date is a pretty controlled situation. And by that, I mean both members are in control. If any date is planned down to the last detail, it’s probably that one.
And think about yourself: yourself when you’re in control, and when you’re not - when you’re stressed. Are you exactly the same person?
Some people have different thresholds of stress, and it could days, weeks, or even months until you see that Other Side of your date. Maybe they’re the sort of person who freaks out on the very first date if their food comes out wrong - but maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re calm, and cool as a cucumber, until they’re under life-changing amounts of stress.
It’s not something you can assess on the first date (and you shouldn’t really want to put your date in stressful situations, anyway). Therefore, what can you do about it?
Well, be observant. Everyday situations typically contain a little stress (driving, for example, or the aforementioned wrong food order). How does your date react to small, manageable amounts of stress? How do they treat others when they’re under stress? Getting worked up is not the same as lashing out at others, or becoming just plain mean.
However, remember: you’re not looking for a perfect date, you’re looking for a good match. You’re not looking for flaws; you’re testing the waters to see if you could live with this behavior. For example, I know a couple wherein the husband is the sort of person who Needs a Plan while traveling. He’s, frankly, not the best traveler; he becomes downright grumpy if he gets lost, or something doesn’t go according to plan.
His wife is the exact opposite: she’ll float through an airport at her own pace if she has her way, and delays and cancellations are just a way of life. “Sure,” she confided, “It would be nice if he were more relaxed about travel. But this is about as bad as he ever gets, and we don’t even travel that often. Small price to pay for someone I like the rest of the time.”
Observing how someone reacts in stressful situations is a good indicator of how they’ll be when life inevitably throws its curveballs. But make sure you don’t obsess over seeing them crack. Maybe, instead of being too good to be true, your date is actually just right for you.
However, sometimes, despite our best efforts, it’s simply impossible to get the whole picture. Because, simply, a first date is a pretty controlled situation. And by that, I mean both members are in control. If any date is planned down to the last detail, it’s probably that one.
And think about yourself: yourself when you’re in control, and when you’re not - when you’re stressed. Are you exactly the same person?
Some people have different thresholds of stress, and it could days, weeks, or even months until you see that Other Side of your date. Maybe they’re the sort of person who freaks out on the very first date if their food comes out wrong - but maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re calm, and cool as a cucumber, until they’re under life-changing amounts of stress.
It’s not something you can assess on the first date (and you shouldn’t really want to put your date in stressful situations, anyway). Therefore, what can you do about it?
Well, be observant. Everyday situations typically contain a little stress (driving, for example, or the aforementioned wrong food order). How does your date react to small, manageable amounts of stress? How do they treat others when they’re under stress? Getting worked up is not the same as lashing out at others, or becoming just plain mean.
However, remember: you’re not looking for a perfect date, you’re looking for a good match. You’re not looking for flaws; you’re testing the waters to see if you could live with this behavior. For example, I know a couple wherein the husband is the sort of person who Needs a Plan while traveling. He’s, frankly, not the best traveler; he becomes downright grumpy if he gets lost, or something doesn’t go according to plan.
His wife is the exact opposite: she’ll float through an airport at her own pace if she has her way, and delays and cancellations are just a way of life. “Sure,” she confided, “It would be nice if he were more relaxed about travel. But this is about as bad as he ever gets, and we don’t even travel that often. Small price to pay for someone I like the rest of the time.”
Observing how someone reacts in stressful situations is a good indicator of how they’ll be when life inevitably throws its curveballs. But make sure you don’t obsess over seeing them crack. Maybe, instead of being too good to be true, your date is actually just right for you.
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