Good Dates VS. Good Boyfriends

I have friends who fall only for the exceedingly charming guys. They find them incredibly attractive - something about the mix of handsome, cool, confident, and aloof that makes them irresistible, even if they aren't too keen on commitment of any kind. My friends continue to fall hard and fast for the smooth talkers again and again, thinking that this one is going to be different from all the others.

The truth is, men who are good at dating and wooing aren't necessarily good relationship material. What I mean by that is, some men know exactly how to dress, what to say, and how to pursue when a woman suits their needs, but they have no clue (or interest in) what to do in a relationship. So often, they can disappear before anything is expected of them - leaving the girl wondering what she could have done wrong because such a "perfect" man rejected her.

The key to deciphering who is good relationship material vs. who is just charming and a good flirt is asking yourself a few honest questions about their behavior. Chances are, they've let their true colors show at some point, and perhaps you've chosen to ignore the signs:

Does he treat you with respect? If he calls when he says he will, or texts back promptly, or makes plans on a regular basis to see you, he's good relationship material. If you feel like you're always on the back burner and your texts go unanswered unless he wants something from you, he could be more of a player. Do you really want to hang around waiting for his call, or making excuses for why he's cancelling at the last minute? Respect is key in any relationship.

Is he interested in you? When you're together, is he looking around the room at other potential prospects? Does he check his phone every few minutes? A man who's good relationship material will keep his focus on you - he wants to understand who you are and looks forward to finding out more. If he's acting bored around you instead of asking you questions, reconsider your feelings towards him.

Does he like to keep things loose? Maybe he's wonderful and caring when you're together, but you don't always hear from him and you wonder if two dates a month really qualifies as a relationship. If you're wondering what he's thinking or where he might be when he's not with you, he doesn't want you to know. If a man is interested in a relationship, he wants to spend time with you and introduce you to his world. If he's keeping you away, then likely he wants to keep things from progressing past a superficial relationship.

Bottom line: actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't follow through when he says he will, or often leaves you hanging or wondering how he feels, he's a charmer but he's not sticking around for the long-term.