Getting Past Your Fear or Anger to Find Love

All of us, whether we realize it or not, have baggage. We carry emotional scars from childhood and past relationships. Sometimes, we are even holding on to our hurt, fear, or anger going into new relationships.

If you find yourself consistently experiencing a less-than-happy romantic life, dating your share of people who let you down or don't treat you well, it's not due to bad luck. It's because you haven't let go of the baggage that's holding back your ability to love and trust another person.

So what can you do to let go and move on to healthier behavior and attitudes? What can you do to improve your relationships, or at least come to terms with your hurts? Try these steps and see what happens:

Admit you have baggage. First things first. If you think that you're doing everything possible in pursuing a long-term relationship and it's everyone else's fault you aren't finding the right person - it's time to get real. We all have weaknesses and faults and we all make mistakes, especially when it comes to love. Look at how you might be impeding your own search. If a past love broke your heart, made you lose your sense of trust, or any number of things - it's up to you to recognize this so you can let it go.

Forgive yourself. This comes after acknowledging your baggage. If you're hurting, allow yourself the right to feel the pain so you can let it go. Show yourself some empathy and compassion. Then you'll be better able to show it to someone else in a relationship.

Forgive the person who wronged you. There's no room for blame in a loving relationship. As my aunt used to tell me, "when you hold onto anger and bitterness, you're only hurting yourself." Nothing could be more true. We can't control other people in any way - we can't make them feel bad, or make them apologize for their actions. But we can decide that we want to be free of the pain and hurt they caused, and that's done by forgiving and moving on. Easier said than done sometimes, but necessary for putting yourself first.

Focus on what you want. Now that you've gone through the first most difficult steps, it's time to refocus your sights on what you do want in your life. If you aren't sure, then it's time to try new things - start traveling or sign up for that cooking class. Try to get out of the negative zone of dwelling on what you don't have - and replacing it with a positive feeling of what you want to bring into your life. Imagine a relationship with someone that brings you happiness and peace. Make room for these things in your life that fulfill you. Then see what happens.