Games Are For Children
- Saturday, February 26 2011 @ 02:44 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,230
While I may be a fan of sharing the tips and tricks of online dating, there’s one thing I’m not a fan of: game-playing.
“But wait,” you might be saying. “Making sure I’m smiling in my profile picture, that I don’t have a defensive posture, that I’m not using offensive jokes in my profile - that’s not game-playing?”
No. Because while you may slouch with a scowl and your arms crossed more than you’d like when you’re not in front of a camera, you also have those moments when you’re having a good time - and your default picture simply tries to capture that aspect of yourself. When you choose to omit a joke from your profile that could be misinterpreted, it’s because most humor could easily be misinterpreted on the Internet - but that doesn’t mean that your same sense of humor won’t come out in person. You may want to try to make a good first impression - but usually, it’s simply you on a good day, not something completely constructed and false.
So, what do I consider “game-playing”? In short, the times in which you edit your behavior for no reason other than that you think it’s something people do to be successful in a relationship. For example, I’ve had people ask me how many days they should wait before responding to a first-contact email. Are you interested right now? Then respond, right now. The same goes for any “rule” about how long you should wait to re-establish contact after a first date. You aren’t purchasing anything; there’s no reason to have a mandatory three-day waiting period.
Occasionally people will come up with theories about the efficacy of counter-intuitive behavior; that insults, instead of praise, will earn you more interest. That being mean, instead of nice, will somehow fill in for confidence and make you more attractive. In short, these games will have a limited success rate in the short term, at best, and do nothing to build a real, long-term relationship.
A relationship is built on trust and honesty. If you start the relationship based on games and lies, at what point do you transition into the “real you”? Why not take the guesswork out of the equation and be genuine from the beginning? Strive to make your first impression be the best version of yourself - not a “someone else” who’s conniving and shallow to boot.
“But wait,” you might be saying. “Making sure I’m smiling in my profile picture, that I don’t have a defensive posture, that I’m not using offensive jokes in my profile - that’s not game-playing?”
No. Because while you may slouch with a scowl and your arms crossed more than you’d like when you’re not in front of a camera, you also have those moments when you’re having a good time - and your default picture simply tries to capture that aspect of yourself. When you choose to omit a joke from your profile that could be misinterpreted, it’s because most humor could easily be misinterpreted on the Internet - but that doesn’t mean that your same sense of humor won’t come out in person. You may want to try to make a good first impression - but usually, it’s simply you on a good day, not something completely constructed and false.
So, what do I consider “game-playing”? In short, the times in which you edit your behavior for no reason other than that you think it’s something people do to be successful in a relationship. For example, I’ve had people ask me how many days they should wait before responding to a first-contact email. Are you interested right now? Then respond, right now. The same goes for any “rule” about how long you should wait to re-establish contact after a first date. You aren’t purchasing anything; there’s no reason to have a mandatory three-day waiting period.
Occasionally people will come up with theories about the efficacy of counter-intuitive behavior; that insults, instead of praise, will earn you more interest. That being mean, instead of nice, will somehow fill in for confidence and make you more attractive. In short, these games will have a limited success rate in the short term, at best, and do nothing to build a real, long-term relationship.
A relationship is built on trust and honesty. If you start the relationship based on games and lies, at what point do you transition into the “real you”? Why not take the guesswork out of the equation and be genuine from the beginning? Strive to make your first impression be the best version of yourself - not a “someone else” who’s conniving and shallow to boot.
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