First Date Expectations
- Sunday, August 01 2010 @ 09:20 am
- Contributed by: DatingBlogger
- Views: 2,759
I often think of one of the greatest hurtles one faces in the move from an online encounter to a real-time date is the way in which the element of fantasy and imagination are diminished upon meeting. Meeting someone online allows you enough absence to imagine them as your perfect ideal with the added substance of a few key words. We want to imagine that our partner will not only live up to our expectations, but exceed them.
The reality sets in when the date actually occurs and I remember, despite obvious clues, that the person sitting across from me is actually a human being, full of his own flaws, dreams, hopes, fears, and insecurities. A potentially mind-blowing human being, but a human being nonetheless!
Although it's perfectly natural to hope for the best, take things slow to really try and get to know your date before investing all your hopes and dreams. For instance, there was a guy I met through an online dating site some years ago that I really liked. His profile was interesting, fun, and we had similar interests. We talked on the phone before we met and clicked immediately – something I don't often experience with people. We laughed and spoke easily, drifting from topic to topic, and there was, what I thought, a real connection. And what ended up happening was that I invested far too much in that first connection; I went into the date thinking that there was this exceptional bond between us, that he would be a kind of confidant, worthy of my trust despite the lack of experience and history between us.
Instead, he was rude and inappropriately aggressive, exhibited a host of deal-breakers, and looking for something far more causal than I – a fact that was not mentioned in his profile. I returned home from the date feeling sourly disappointed.
Among the many expectations that people take with them to a first date, one of the most important, I believe, is to remember that your date is human -- not Hercules. Regardless of how hot and spicy those text messages have been, how intense the connection drawn between emails and phone calls, adding the element of actual presence can introduce an irreversible chemical reaction to your relationship in ways that you won't always expect.
Remember that the first date is simply that: a first date. It may not be epic, it may not be ground breaking, but it could be beautiful and life-altering, in a perhaps more humble way than pure living fantasy, if you allow it. Having realistic expectations of what you're walking into is one of the best ways to ensure that you'll get the most out of it.
The reality sets in when the date actually occurs and I remember, despite obvious clues, that the person sitting across from me is actually a human being, full of his own flaws, dreams, hopes, fears, and insecurities. A potentially mind-blowing human being, but a human being nonetheless!
Although it's perfectly natural to hope for the best, take things slow to really try and get to know your date before investing all your hopes and dreams. For instance, there was a guy I met through an online dating site some years ago that I really liked. His profile was interesting, fun, and we had similar interests. We talked on the phone before we met and clicked immediately – something I don't often experience with people. We laughed and spoke easily, drifting from topic to topic, and there was, what I thought, a real connection. And what ended up happening was that I invested far too much in that first connection; I went into the date thinking that there was this exceptional bond between us, that he would be a kind of confidant, worthy of my trust despite the lack of experience and history between us.
Instead, he was rude and inappropriately aggressive, exhibited a host of deal-breakers, and looking for something far more causal than I – a fact that was not mentioned in his profile. I returned home from the date feeling sourly disappointed.
Among the many expectations that people take with them to a first date, one of the most important, I believe, is to remember that your date is human -- not Hercules. Regardless of how hot and spicy those text messages have been, how intense the connection drawn between emails and phone calls, adding the element of actual presence can introduce an irreversible chemical reaction to your relationship in ways that you won't always expect.
Remember that the first date is simply that: a first date. It may not be epic, it may not be ground breaking, but it could be beautiful and life-altering, in a perhaps more humble way than pure living fantasy, if you allow it. Having realistic expectations of what you're walking into is one of the best ways to ensure that you'll get the most out of it.
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