Fireworks and Surprises
- Wednesday, June 05 2013 @ 06:38 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,157
“I’m a hopeless romantic,” a friend once proclaimed. She flopped down on the couch and threw one hand up to emphasize. “I’m waiting for those fireworks, that feeling that tells me, ‘this is where the story begins.’”
If you’re thinking that she was setting herself up for disappointment, you’re right. And she’s not the only one.
So many of us fall into the “fairy-tale romance” trap. In a book or movie, the romance is likely telegraphed every step of the way. There’s foreshadowing and clever camera angles that put the focus where it should be. There’s music.
In real life, there’s no director that gives us our marks and tells us where to stand. You might be able to look back and realize the significance of a chance meeting, but you might not. Some people fall in love after knowing each other for months or years. So when is the ‘beginning’ - the first time you chatted for more than the most superficial of subjects? The first time you met, even though you were children?
Even in the slightly formalized world of online dating - where the “first date” is typically obviously delineated - there’s no easy way to pinpoint the beginning of a romance. Is it when you first laid eyes on a profile, even though it didn’t grab you at the time? Is it that formal first “date”? Or was it the second date, the third email - when was it exactly that you realized you were looking forward to responses not because you “had a date,” but because of who the date was?
The truth is, the romance can sneak up on us. It can be a slow burn. And being self-conscious about it, or forcing it, isn’t going to make anything happen any faster.
So what do we do? We learn the lesson my friend learned: that any relationship starts with a hello. We can’t always predict which ones blossom into something more, so we get on the ride and see where it takes us. And the real excitement of romance is the moment when you realize it’s already there; it’s snuck up on you, and you’re trying to figure out when it arrived. The fact that you won’t know when the story is beginning, as my hopelessly romantic friend now claims, is the best surprise.
If you’re thinking that she was setting herself up for disappointment, you’re right. And she’s not the only one.
So many of us fall into the “fairy-tale romance” trap. In a book or movie, the romance is likely telegraphed every step of the way. There’s foreshadowing and clever camera angles that put the focus where it should be. There’s music.
In real life, there’s no director that gives us our marks and tells us where to stand. You might be able to look back and realize the significance of a chance meeting, but you might not. Some people fall in love after knowing each other for months or years. So when is the ‘beginning’ - the first time you chatted for more than the most superficial of subjects? The first time you met, even though you were children?
Even in the slightly formalized world of online dating - where the “first date” is typically obviously delineated - there’s no easy way to pinpoint the beginning of a romance. Is it when you first laid eyes on a profile, even though it didn’t grab you at the time? Is it that formal first “date”? Or was it the second date, the third email - when was it exactly that you realized you were looking forward to responses not because you “had a date,” but because of who the date was?
The truth is, the romance can sneak up on us. It can be a slow burn. And being self-conscious about it, or forcing it, isn’t going to make anything happen any faster.
So what do we do? We learn the lesson my friend learned: that any relationship starts with a hello. We can’t always predict which ones blossom into something more, so we get on the ride and see where it takes us. And the real excitement of romance is the moment when you realize it’s already there; it’s snuck up on you, and you’re trying to figure out when it arrived. The fact that you won’t know when the story is beginning, as my hopelessly romantic friend now claims, is the best surprise.
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