Finding a Place for Friendship
- Saturday, July 14 2012 @ 11:14 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,311
We hear all the time that the “perfect” long-term partner is someone who is a “best friend.” For the most part, that’s absolutely true; this is the person who will be making those cross-country moves with you, the one you will see almost every morning, the person who might be a co-parent or co-caretaker. They’re your roommate, and the person with whom you share your burdens, financial and emotional. If they aren’t your absolute best friend, they’d better be pretty high on the list!
Still, that doesn’t mean that they need to be your only friend. Even in the most solid of relationships, everyone needs an outside perspective every now and then. Maybe your significant other doesn’t like your favorite TV show - so why not enjoy it with a friend? Maybe you’re feeling insecure and you need someone objective to talk you out of your silliness. Maybe you’re naturally an extrovert and you just like being around more than one other person. No matter how great your relationship is, there’s always room in your life for more friendship.
The problem is, there are many stages in a relationship where people can fall into bad habits that ultimately limit their friendships. The first hurdle comes right away, in the very beginning of the relationship: you begin to spend all your available free time with your new love. This is natural and normal; infatuation is intoxicating. At some point, however, as you become more secure and comfortable, you have to come up for air and reconnect with your pre-existing friends. True, things might not be exactly the same anymore as there’s someone new occupying a large space in your life, but failing to make the effort to find a “new normal” could mean you drift away from your old friends.
Now let’s say you’ve found your “new normal” with your old friends and you’re established in your relationship. That doesn’t mean that you’re clear of all potential friendship hurdles! What about making new friends? Many people have found that making new friends can be a little more difficult when they’re part of a couple. “I feel strange making friends with women who aren’t the wives of someone I already know,” says Tim. “I worry that my girlfriend will be jealous. And even when she makes friends with a new woman, sometimes I just feel territorial... like, is this someone I’m going to have to spend a lot of time with? It’s just easier to stick with our old friends.”
While it’s easier to spend time with another couple, you shouldn’t necessarily think as a unit when it comes to making new friends. Again, you have different interests and facets to your personality than your partner. Why not make friends that reflect those other sides of you? It’s great to be in a solid relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should become co-dependent.
A romantic relationship is great, but it shouldn’t necessarily be the only close relationship you have. As you begin dating and even finding the match for you, take care to ensure your friendships - both old and new - find a place in your life as well.
Still, that doesn’t mean that they need to be your only friend. Even in the most solid of relationships, everyone needs an outside perspective every now and then. Maybe your significant other doesn’t like your favorite TV show - so why not enjoy it with a friend? Maybe you’re feeling insecure and you need someone objective to talk you out of your silliness. Maybe you’re naturally an extrovert and you just like being around more than one other person. No matter how great your relationship is, there’s always room in your life for more friendship.
The problem is, there are many stages in a relationship where people can fall into bad habits that ultimately limit their friendships. The first hurdle comes right away, in the very beginning of the relationship: you begin to spend all your available free time with your new love. This is natural and normal; infatuation is intoxicating. At some point, however, as you become more secure and comfortable, you have to come up for air and reconnect with your pre-existing friends. True, things might not be exactly the same anymore as there’s someone new occupying a large space in your life, but failing to make the effort to find a “new normal” could mean you drift away from your old friends.
Now let’s say you’ve found your “new normal” with your old friends and you’re established in your relationship. That doesn’t mean that you’re clear of all potential friendship hurdles! What about making new friends? Many people have found that making new friends can be a little more difficult when they’re part of a couple. “I feel strange making friends with women who aren’t the wives of someone I already know,” says Tim. “I worry that my girlfriend will be jealous. And even when she makes friends with a new woman, sometimes I just feel territorial... like, is this someone I’m going to have to spend a lot of time with? It’s just easier to stick with our old friends.”
While it’s easier to spend time with another couple, you shouldn’t necessarily think as a unit when it comes to making new friends. Again, you have different interests and facets to your personality than your partner. Why not make friends that reflect those other sides of you? It’s great to be in a solid relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should become co-dependent.
A romantic relationship is great, but it shouldn’t necessarily be the only close relationship you have. As you begin dating and even finding the match for you, take care to ensure your friendships - both old and new - find a place in your life as well.
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