Is Your Extroverted Personality Hurting Your Dating Life?

I was having dinner with a friend the other night and she confessed this to me: "I have no problem meeting guys and flirting. I get asked out a lot. But none of them seem to be able to handle my personality! I can't get to the next phase of the relationship."

My friend is a smart, attractive woman who owns her own business. She's a great catch. She doesn't have unrealistic expectations for the guys she'll date. So what's the problem?

She feels that her outgoing personality might be a turn-off.

While it's true that some men tend to shy away from a woman who likes the spotlight and takes charge, I can't say she's right. I know many men on the quiet or shy side who love their gregarious and outspoken wives and girlfriends. So how do you work around this issue?

First, I'd say it's good to know your personality and embrace it, instead of trying to hide it. If you are outspoken and love meeting new people, use it to your advantage. Accept invitations to parties, introduce yourself to new people, and be the first to approach and strike up conversation. People are attracted to all different personality types, so don't feel you're limited in some way because you don't live up to the male or female stereotypes.

Second, I'd also ask you to evaluate how you interact with the men you meet. For instance, do you tend to talk about yourself? Or do you get nervous and start rambling on about a particular subject? Or do you feel the need to impress by listing your professional credentials or client roster in order to keep someone interested? If the answer is yes for any of these, you need to rethink your approach. People like to engage, which means they also like to talk about themselves and their own interests - not just yours. Also, it's a turn-off if you come across as arrogant. Take a step back and see if there's anything you could change in your approach to be more inclusive in your conversation.

And finally, I'd make a suggestion to try a different tactic with how you date. If you're used to being in charge and choosing the places to go, then stop. Let your date take the lead, even if he takes you to someplace you can't stand. Just because you tell people what to do in your career doesn't mean it works well in your personal life. The point is, it's important that there's mutual respect in any relationship, especially in the beginning when you don't know each other.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself and engage fully with your date. The rest will take care of itself.