Effective Dating Conversation 101

If you spent hours crafting the perfect online dating profile, agonizing over each word and every punctuation mark, the thought of having to converse with a date in person probably feels tremendously intimidating.

Today I am going to let you in on a little secret: it doesn't have to be. Apply the lessons learned here, in Effective Dating Conversation 101, and you'll be ready to start wooing your dates with your words so skillfully that Shakespeare would be jealous.

I would like to start this course with a few lessons about questions: when to ask them, what to ask, and bad questioning habits you'll need to break. Take out your notebooks, students, and let's begin:

Lesson #1: Ask questions. You enjoy talking about yourself, I enjoy talking about myself, and I guarantee that every one of your dates will enjoy talking about his- or herself, too. Express sincere interest by asking meaningful questions that go beyond superficial inquiries like "Where do you work?" and "What do you do in your spare time?"

Lesson #2: Ask open-ended questions. If your query can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," consider skipping the question altogether. "Yes" or "no" questions stall conversations, while open-ended questions sustain them. Answers that require thought keep the dialogue going, and allow you to discover common interests and new topics of conversation.

Lesson #3: Ask follow up questions. Like open-ended questions, follow up questions extend the conversation and potentially provide the speakers new directions in which to take their discussion. Thoughtful follow up questions also indicate to your date that you are genuinely interested in who they are and the things they have to say.

Lesson #4: Save the big questions for a rainy day (or at least a future date). Though it's important to ask questions about heavy topics like politics and religion in order to determine your compatibility with a potential partner, hot-button issues are not ideal subject matter for the first few dates. It is also judicious to stay away from revealing the details (particularly the negative ones) of your past relationships and exposing any other skeletons that may be lurking in your closet when you're in the beginning stages of getting to know someone.

Lesson #5: Avoid turning your date into a job interview. While still showing interest in your date, be careful that you do not ask so many questions that your rendezvous begins to feel like a job interview. Rapid-fire questioning will overwhelm your conversation partner, and clichéd interview questions like "Where do you live?" "Where did you go to school?" and "What do you do for a living?" will bore them.

Now that you grasp the basic rules of asking questions on early dates, you're ready to move on to "Effective Dating Conversation 101: Part Two," where we will continue the discussion of the do's and don'ts of dating dialogue.