Don't Be Afraid to Ask
- Tuesday, May 07 2013 @ 06:51 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,084
Sometimes communicating with someone via the Internet can feel like a labyrinth. On the one hand, you have the ability to edit what you say, take back that awkward joke before you send it. You can think about a response for hours as you figure out what you want to say, and it’s not too unusual because hey, people have busy lives.
On the other hand, you don’t get all those additional clues and context. You don’t get the tone of voice, the body language, the gestures, the funny faces. Whereas in person, a sentence would slide past you and you’d only think of it later if you remembered it, in an email every single sentence can get analyzed and reanalyzed. What did this person really mean? Was that “ha ha” genuinely full of mirth or sarcasm?
It can feel like you’re typing in a code - when you’ve only got a partial key to solving it. What many people don’t realize, however, is that you don’t have to. Instead of having a conversation in a language you only partially understand, you can always do what many people feel they can’t: ask questions, clarify, and be straightforward.
“Look at this email,” a friend said to me. “I can’t tell if she’s saying she is ready to meet in person for a date or that she’s not ready, and won’t be for some time.”
“I would interpret that as that she is ready,” I replied, “although I can see where this phrase is a little confusing.”
“Hmm,” he said, frowning, “I’m not convinced.”
“Only one way to find out,” I said. “Ask her if she’s ready to meet in person, for something small like coffee.”
He gaped at me. “Isn’t that a little forward? What if she isn’t ready?”
“If she’s not ready, she’ll tell you,” I said. “You’ll have the answer to your question, and you’ll be able to properly decide if you want to continue emailing or if you want to move on. If she is ready, she’ll tell you, and you’ll meet in person. Either way, she knows you’d like to meet, and you’ll both have more information than you do right now.”
What my friend did not realize was that asking a simple question, one that clarifies something you’re uncertain about, is not impertinent or dumb. It shouldn’t make anyone think less of you (and if it does, chances are they aren’t the sort of person you want anyway). It never hurts to make sure you’re on the same page - and if your communication feels really muddled, chances are your date is confused too.
Being honest when you don’t fully understand what’s going on also lays a great foundation for communication. If you’re not afraid to clarify, you’ll be more willing to discuss trickier issues later; it won’t be as uncomfortable or awkward.
Emailing might feel like you’re wandering in a maze wearing earmuffs and a hat that obscures your vision - but it doesn’t have to. And you don’t even have to email, if it comes to that; phone, video chat and meeting in person are even better. Don’t be afraid to actively make your communication clearer; you’re just making it easier to feel out your potential chemistry, and lay the foundations of a better relationship.
On the other hand, you don’t get all those additional clues and context. You don’t get the tone of voice, the body language, the gestures, the funny faces. Whereas in person, a sentence would slide past you and you’d only think of it later if you remembered it, in an email every single sentence can get analyzed and reanalyzed. What did this person really mean? Was that “ha ha” genuinely full of mirth or sarcasm?
It can feel like you’re typing in a code - when you’ve only got a partial key to solving it. What many people don’t realize, however, is that you don’t have to. Instead of having a conversation in a language you only partially understand, you can always do what many people feel they can’t: ask questions, clarify, and be straightforward.
“Look at this email,” a friend said to me. “I can’t tell if she’s saying she is ready to meet in person for a date or that she’s not ready, and won’t be for some time.”
“I would interpret that as that she is ready,” I replied, “although I can see where this phrase is a little confusing.”
“Hmm,” he said, frowning, “I’m not convinced.”
“Only one way to find out,” I said. “Ask her if she’s ready to meet in person, for something small like coffee.”
He gaped at me. “Isn’t that a little forward? What if she isn’t ready?”
“If she’s not ready, she’ll tell you,” I said. “You’ll have the answer to your question, and you’ll be able to properly decide if you want to continue emailing or if you want to move on. If she is ready, she’ll tell you, and you’ll meet in person. Either way, she knows you’d like to meet, and you’ll both have more information than you do right now.”
What my friend did not realize was that asking a simple question, one that clarifies something you’re uncertain about, is not impertinent or dumb. It shouldn’t make anyone think less of you (and if it does, chances are they aren’t the sort of person you want anyway). It never hurts to make sure you’re on the same page - and if your communication feels really muddled, chances are your date is confused too.
Being honest when you don’t fully understand what’s going on also lays a great foundation for communication. If you’re not afraid to clarify, you’ll be more willing to discuss trickier issues later; it won’t be as uncomfortable or awkward.
Emailing might feel like you’re wandering in a maze wearing earmuffs and a hat that obscures your vision - but it doesn’t have to. And you don’t even have to email, if it comes to that; phone, video chat and meeting in person are even better. Don’t be afraid to actively make your communication clearer; you’re just making it easier to feel out your potential chemistry, and lay the foundations of a better relationship.
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