Does She have to be Thin? Does He have to be Tall?

We all have our "types" when it comes to dating. That is, we all have preferences for certain physical appearances, because after all, romantic relationships require intimacy. Shouldn't we be physically attracted to our partners?

The answer of course is yes. Attraction plays a key role in romantic relationships. The problem with online dating (or dating at all) is that we tend to base most - if not all - of our expectations for success on someone's appearance. For instance, if you like dating thin women, you will likely only look at the profiles of thin women. Or if you like your men to be taller than you - let's say at least six feet - then you tend to filter the shorter ones out of your search.

But let's put these rigid preferences aside for just a moment. What if you were to loosen up your requirements? Do you think that dating someone a few pounds heavier or a few inches shorter would be a major turn-off? If you answered yes, I would argue with you.

The problem with this kind of narrow thinking is that you end up making few allowances for the traits needed for a successful relationship. For instance, maybe you've met a lot of men who were tall, but none of them have worked out for the long-term. Why is that? If your number one deal-breaker is that a man must be at least a certain height, why haven't any of these relationships worked?

The answer is simple: because you're not evaluating your potential dates based on anything that contributes to a real relationship. Your requirement doesn't mean you'll also find someone who is kind, caring, passionate, or honest. Sure, maybe it's possible for you to find Mr. Perfect who is six feet tall, but what about Mr. five-foot-ten who is a great catch and completely overlooked? You're cutting down on your odds of finding someone with these traits because you only want them in a certain package.

I'm not saying physical appearance isn't important, but there has to be more involved. Start by asking yourself the tough questions. Why is this particular physical trait important to you? If you were to have your perfect woman arrive at your doorstep tomorrow - beautiful in every way - except she was a few pounds heavier, would you turn her away? If your perfect man showed up tomorrow, handsome and caring but a few inches shorter than what you'd like, would you tell him to take a hike? Than why not be a little more generous with those online filters?

Think about what you want out of a relationship - that is, how you want to feel around someone else. Let this be your guide, rather than a ruler or a scale.