Don't Be Afraid to Hit Send
- Thursday, February 25 2010 @ 08:39 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,306
When you've got a profile on a online dating site, fewer things are more scary than sending out a first-contact email. Especially when it's absolutely cold – when there's no winks or anything else to indicate interest. But really, should this be a terrifying event?
Here's the thing: a first-contact email should be like saying hello to someone that catches your eye – nothing more, nothing less. Sure, you have a little extra information from their profile that indicates whether you might be compatible, but really there's no telling until you actually speak – so let's say it's more akin to meeting someone at an event you mutually enjoy, rather than the grocery store.
Ultimately, you won't know much until you actually begin communication, until you have that hello. Maybe it could turn into something more... but it might not. And that's okay, because your opening email was only three to four sentences, and you're not that emotionally invested. Right?
The problem arises when people treat the act of writing emails as sacred. They carefully read and reread profiles until they begin to feel like they know the author; they place all their hopes of a relationship on one or two people. And if those don't pan out, they feel they've failed.
Sending out a first-contact email should be no big deal. Think of it as applying to college: sure, you could pin all your hopes on your dream, Ivy League-school, but it would be silly to apply only to that college. A smaller school, or a state university, might be a better personal fit for you, and could put you on the path to greatness.
So too is it for sending emails: there might be some profiles you like more than others, but ultimately you won't really know if they're a good fit for you until you establish communication. So don't be afraid to hit 'send' to many, and don't pin all your hopes on one profile – you'll be less stressed in the long run, and you could even find the best match for you.
Here's the thing: a first-contact email should be like saying hello to someone that catches your eye – nothing more, nothing less. Sure, you have a little extra information from their profile that indicates whether you might be compatible, but really there's no telling until you actually speak – so let's say it's more akin to meeting someone at an event you mutually enjoy, rather than the grocery store.
Ultimately, you won't know much until you actually begin communication, until you have that hello. Maybe it could turn into something more... but it might not. And that's okay, because your opening email was only three to four sentences, and you're not that emotionally invested. Right?
The problem arises when people treat the act of writing emails as sacred. They carefully read and reread profiles until they begin to feel like they know the author; they place all their hopes of a relationship on one or two people. And if those don't pan out, they feel they've failed.
Sending out a first-contact email should be no big deal. Think of it as applying to college: sure, you could pin all your hopes on your dream, Ivy League-school, but it would be silly to apply only to that college. A smaller school, or a state university, might be a better personal fit for you, and could put you on the path to greatness.
So too is it for sending emails: there might be some profiles you like more than others, but ultimately you won't really know if they're a good fit for you until you establish communication. So don't be afraid to hit 'send' to many, and don't pin all your hopes on one profile – you'll be less stressed in the long run, and you could even find the best match for you.
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