Should you Date Seriously after Divorce or Separation?

Many singles join online dating sites soon after they divorce or separate from their former spouses. While I encourage moving on with your life after a break-up, I also suggest you assess where you're at after such a traumatic and life-changing event. We often need more time to heal than we think.

While there is no hard and fast rule about how long to wait before you get serious again, if you are online dating, it's important to be honest about how you're feeling and what you expect from a relationship. In other words, if you're just looking for a casual relationship with no expectations, you have to consider your date: is he or she after the same thing? Or does he want something more?

Perhaps you are looking for comfort because you're lonely, or you're looking for distraction from your pain. These feelings are all part of the grieving process, but it's important to be clear about your expectations with your dates from the beginning. I would say it's likely that most of your dates are looking for something more.

I suggest holding off on dating until you're emotionally in a better place and ready to commit to someone again, but if you want to jump back in and just test the waters, let your dates know in advance there's no future. Remember, in any relationship there are always another person's feelings to consider, not just your own.

On the other hand, if you're looking to get serious again quickly, it could be that you're afraid to be alone. Dating when you're feeling vulnerable in this way isn't a healthy move for you or your dates. Instead of trying your best to replace someone you lost, use this time to get to know yourself again, apart from being in a relationship. It's a time for growth and renewal. And often, we see ourselves most clearly when we are alone, along with what makes us truly happy.

Bottom line? Refrain from looking at dating as an escape from working through your pain. Regardless of whether or not you desire a serious relationship, if you are putting yourself in the dating pool, you have other people to consider who may have different expectations and wants. Dating isn't a means to escape from another person, it's a way for two people to come together. Make sure that you are honest with yourself and with your dates.