Could Being too Picky Prevent You from Meeting The One?

Do you search through online dating profiles, filtering out your options based on a list of ideal traits you want in a partner? Do you fill out the questionnaires according to your desired traits, and weed through profiles that don't match these ideals?

As it turns out, this could prevent you from meeting The One.

According to new research from Northwestern University and Texas A&M University, people tend to be more picky when online dating than when meeting someone in person. People liked potential partners that matched their ideals when reading their profiles, but those same ideals didn't matter once they met in person.

"People have ideas about the abstract qualities they're looking for in a romantic partner," said Eastwick, assistant professor of psychology at Texas A&M University and lead author of the study. "But once you actually meet somebody face to face, those ideal preferences for traits tend to be quite flexible."

The researchers concluded that attraction between two people is more three-dimensional than just matching a list of qualities each prefers.

"People are not simply the average of their traits," he said. "Knowing that somebody is persistent, ambitious and sexy does not tell you what that person is actually like. It doesn't make sense for us to search for partners that way."

Because online dating offers so many options (and new faces every day), we like to think that all this choice is helpful in finding the right person. In actuality, you could be dismissing someone on paper (or online rather) based on one or two traits you don't like, but if you were to meet in person, you could be attracted to the person as a whole despite not having some of the traits you find generally attractive. Again, romance and chemistry are unique to each couple, and often you don't know where you'll find it.

My advice based on this helpful bit of research is: be very open in your online dating filters. Instead of ruling out men or women of a certain age, income, height, weight, personality type, etc., have an open mind. Make a short list (three things) that are "must-haves" and the rest make negotiable. This way, you're opening up your options and may discover you connect with someone you otherwise would never have dated.

The more open you are to dating outside your "type," the less likely you'll repeat the same relationship mistakes of the past. When you're in new territory, you have new experiences. You might even say, "I would never have gone out with him based on his profile, but I'm so glad I did!"